Jog - done.
No WWTT today. Just one thought.
I saw a Brahminy Kite (aka the Red-backed Sea-eagle) from the window of my office. When it flew down its golden colored wide wings were a sight to watch. I just loved watching it. Instantly what occurred was that it's a beast to its prey and unlike other smaller birds even humans are scared to go near it. Isn't always beauty and beast together? Isn't that it's us who label something as beautiful and something as beastly, depending what side of the same object we are looking at?
If I can extend the same logic, isn't this applicable to people in our life? Isn't it possible to admire someone who we have always hated or never liked, just by shifting our view of them - shifting from looking at the beastly side to the beauty side? If so, who's responsible for the emotions and feelings the sight or the thought of the other person evoke? It's I and not them, isn't it? That's standing in a place of "I am 100% responsible for whatever happens to me".
Good thought and logical argument, but how feasbile it is to be 100% responsible all the time? More importantly we need to ask if we are ready to give up being right about the other person being wrong!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Day 16 - An interesting insight
Jog - done.
An interesting thing happened today, which left me with a lasting impression.
I was doing warm up exercises before the jog. I was facing a huge tree standing in the middle of Ulsoor lake. There were many birds - small and big and I was enjoying the ever changing sight. Just then I noticed a beautiful little bird having exquisitely colored feathers. I stopped exercising for a moment and started watching it. Within few seconds it flew from that branch and sat on another. The angle at which the bird was sitting now was such that if I resumed my normal warm up exercises I couldn't watch it. So I was tempted to stop the warm ups completely and follow the bird. I was so much enamored by its beauty.
For one moment the picture of a photo frame came to mind. So far, as long as I was exercising, I was watching through a frame and was seeing so much activity. The moment I was fixed on that bird my frame kept moving, following the bird. As I was thinking this suddenly the bird vanished without a trace. And I was so disappointed. I suddenly realized that this is how we lead our life. We start with the focus on long term life and we are enjoying everybit of it. Suddenly we come across something special. Even though we know it's only going to last for a short period we want to hold on to it as long as we can. We go to the extent of forgetting the main subject of focus - the life - and run after this fleeting thing. And suddenly you see it disappear, causing despair.
Realizing this I started went back to warm up exercises. And to my pleasant surprise the little bird came back and sat right opposite to me, the place where I had seen it first! Now, instead of stopping for its view I kept on doing my excersises. And it was sitting in the same place as if posing for me, throughout. And as I was about to leave, the little bird dove down into the water to catch something, giving me full view of its colorful plume! This was something I was not expecting.
Insight I got for myself: Just be focussed on your main subject without diverting attention on fleeting pleasures and you will have wonders - beyond your expectations! Amen!
An interesting thing happened today, which left me with a lasting impression.
I was doing warm up exercises before the jog. I was facing a huge tree standing in the middle of Ulsoor lake. There were many birds - small and big and I was enjoying the ever changing sight. Just then I noticed a beautiful little bird having exquisitely colored feathers. I stopped exercising for a moment and started watching it. Within few seconds it flew from that branch and sat on another. The angle at which the bird was sitting now was such that if I resumed my normal warm up exercises I couldn't watch it. So I was tempted to stop the warm ups completely and follow the bird. I was so much enamored by its beauty.
For one moment the picture of a photo frame came to mind. So far, as long as I was exercising, I was watching through a frame and was seeing so much activity. The moment I was fixed on that bird my frame kept moving, following the bird. As I was thinking this suddenly the bird vanished without a trace. And I was so disappointed. I suddenly realized that this is how we lead our life. We start with the focus on long term life and we are enjoying everybit of it. Suddenly we come across something special. Even though we know it's only going to last for a short period we want to hold on to it as long as we can. We go to the extent of forgetting the main subject of focus - the life - and run after this fleeting thing. And suddenly you see it disappear, causing despair.
Realizing this I started went back to warm up exercises. And to my pleasant surprise the little bird came back and sat right opposite to me, the place where I had seen it first! Now, instead of stopping for its view I kept on doing my excersises. And it was sitting in the same place as if posing for me, throughout. And as I was about to leave, the little bird dove down into the water to catch something, giving me full view of its colorful plume! This was something I was not expecting.
Insight I got for myself: Just be focussed on your main subject without diverting attention on fleeting pleasures and you will have wonders - beyond your expectations! Amen!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Day 14 - An interesting WWTT :)
Jog - done.
WWTT #1: Everyday after my jog I stop to have a tender coconut. The vendor charges a fixed Rs.12. Today he gave a little smaller coconut. I thought of asking him a discount of Rs. 2. Just after the thought came in another followed saying after all its two rupees, should I really ask?. Immediately I saw it as my hesitation and I said to myself "It's not the money; it's my self expression at stake. I will ask". Just then a good looking woman came and asked for a coconut. Within an instance my self expression took a 200 mt dive into the darkness. How could I ask a discount of mere two rupees in front of a Lady? No way!!
It's funny to read it now. But it was so true for me then. Then I said this was the opportunity to overcome this. God knows how many times I have not bargained because there was some beautiful girl around or some other suave set of people. Then I asked the vendor if that small coconut too was priced at Rs.12, and I was very sure that the answer would be an yes. But surprisingly he said that it was Rs.10! Lady, I don't know who you are, but you almost cost me two rupees and, my self expression :)
WWTT #2: In the evening I attended an event called 'Causing the Miraculous'. At the end of the event I saw a person who was once a course leader for one of the courses I attended. I just wanted to say 'hi' to her. When I approached her two more people started talking to her. Once she looked at me and then turned to them and began to talk with them. After they left another person came and she started talking to this third person - not giving me attention even though she noticed me. Knowing who she is, I did not think that she de-respected me. But the thought of me standing there and not being talked to while others possibly noticing this was too much for me to bear it. Besides, I did not have anything important to speak to her - just a 'hi'. So I was thinking what will she think if I stood for so long just to say hi! I wanted to come out of there. The urge of getting out of that - a kind of embarrasment - was very strong. But I knew it was yet another classic WWTT. And just to have a victory over it I stood there, siad hi to her and then came home!
This second WWTT may look such a simple thing. But I know how terrible I was feeling in one similar situation I just got present to. In 2004 I was in a global conference. One of the VPs I knew asked me to join a meeting. It was an important meeting attended by many high profile people and I did not know anybody personally, except my boss, who was not expecting me there. And the person who invited me did not show up. I was feeling totally out of place. I did not know what to do. They had seen me and so wouldn't actually object me being there. But for me, they were talking of some important and sensitive stuff and I was being embarrased for being there. I felt that I was an unwanted person - though the reality was that others just did not bother. But I went around the room - just enough distance so as not hear what they were talking - to ensure I was not intruding in their meeting! I did many stupid things like just read, reread the agenda of the conference, keep staring at wall painting, etc. Really crazy stuff! Now, actually I was making a fool of myself and that made me be even more embarrassed. I was hating the whole experience. I was wondering when that VP who invited me turns up and calls me to sit in the meeting - that way legitimizing my attendance!
Today's WWTT #2 was somewhat close but not as bad. So I thought this is the right place to register my 2004 experience and relive it and try to laugh at it :)
WWTT #1: Everyday after my jog I stop to have a tender coconut. The vendor charges a fixed Rs.12. Today he gave a little smaller coconut. I thought of asking him a discount of Rs. 2. Just after the thought came in another followed saying after all its two rupees, should I really ask?. Immediately I saw it as my hesitation and I said to myself "It's not the money; it's my self expression at stake. I will ask". Just then a good looking woman came and asked for a coconut. Within an instance my self expression took a 200 mt dive into the darkness. How could I ask a discount of mere two rupees in front of a Lady? No way!!
It's funny to read it now. But it was so true for me then. Then I said this was the opportunity to overcome this. God knows how many times I have not bargained because there was some beautiful girl around or some other suave set of people. Then I asked the vendor if that small coconut too was priced at Rs.12, and I was very sure that the answer would be an yes. But surprisingly he said that it was Rs.10! Lady, I don't know who you are, but you almost cost me two rupees and, my self expression :)
WWTT #2: In the evening I attended an event called 'Causing the Miraculous'. At the end of the event I saw a person who was once a course leader for one of the courses I attended. I just wanted to say 'hi' to her. When I approached her two more people started talking to her. Once she looked at me and then turned to them and began to talk with them. After they left another person came and she started talking to this third person - not giving me attention even though she noticed me. Knowing who she is, I did not think that she de-respected me. But the thought of me standing there and not being talked to while others possibly noticing this was too much for me to bear it. Besides, I did not have anything important to speak to her - just a 'hi'. So I was thinking what will she think if I stood for so long just to say hi! I wanted to come out of there. The urge of getting out of that - a kind of embarrasment - was very strong. But I knew it was yet another classic WWTT. And just to have a victory over it I stood there, siad hi to her and then came home!
This second WWTT may look such a simple thing. But I know how terrible I was feeling in one similar situation I just got present to. In 2004 I was in a global conference. One of the VPs I knew asked me to join a meeting. It was an important meeting attended by many high profile people and I did not know anybody personally, except my boss, who was not expecting me there. And the person who invited me did not show up. I was feeling totally out of place. I did not know what to do. They had seen me and so wouldn't actually object me being there. But for me, they were talking of some important and sensitive stuff and I was being embarrased for being there. I felt that I was an unwanted person - though the reality was that others just did not bother. But I went around the room - just enough distance so as not hear what they were talking - to ensure I was not intruding in their meeting! I did many stupid things like just read, reread the agenda of the conference, keep staring at wall painting, etc. Really crazy stuff! Now, actually I was making a fool of myself and that made me be even more embarrassed. I was hating the whole experience. I was wondering when that VP who invited me turns up and calls me to sit in the meeting - that way legitimizing my attendance!
Today's WWTT #2 was somewhat close but not as bad. So I thought this is the right place to register my 2004 experience and relive it and try to laugh at it :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Day 13 - Yet another breakthrough!
Jog - done.
WWTT: Today one of the big things happened. I shared what's happening in my life with my mother, which I never did. I spoke to her with genuine interest in her.
For many years I tried avoiding her proximity. I wanted her to be happy where ever she was but not with me. I wanted to be left alone. It was not okay for me to be emotionally close to her. My mother was a bubbly person full of life - throughout her life. Of late I am seeing that she is just living. Though she has every material things with her and a loving family who also respects her, I felt that she was not the same old person who was full of josh.
Since I too had hit the rock bottom as far as spirit was concerned and only in last two weeks back I sprang back to Life I thought that me sharing all this with my mother might inspire her to take up something she can do regulary - like my jog. Also I felt like sharing what's happening in my life. Being Experimental made me take this step which was not possible earlier.
I started sharing how 2008 was for me and how my friend's suggestion of taking up one small thing (jog) and doing it regularly gave me an access to spring back to Life. Then we just started talking all over the things and I slowly started getting into her world. And after some time, from my usual advice mode when I switched to listening mode, I was surprised to listen - without her telling - what was important to her. I got present to her world completely.
Earlier in my view she was someone who complained a lot. I never accepted nor approved what she complained about. This made me repel from her even more. But when I got her world I realized how compelled she was to do whatever she was doing. I pointed that to her and saw a smile on her face.
Now, even if she speaks of things that I don't accept or approve, at least I can listen to her, which earlier was too much of a burden for me. So, now I don't have to avoid her. I can be with her. I accept her the way she is. I am more peaceful now.
WWTT: Today one of the big things happened. I shared what's happening in my life with my mother, which I never did. I spoke to her with genuine interest in her.
For many years I tried avoiding her proximity. I wanted her to be happy where ever she was but not with me. I wanted to be left alone. It was not okay for me to be emotionally close to her. My mother was a bubbly person full of life - throughout her life. Of late I am seeing that she is just living. Though she has every material things with her and a loving family who also respects her, I felt that she was not the same old person who was full of josh.
Since I too had hit the rock bottom as far as spirit was concerned and only in last two weeks back I sprang back to Life I thought that me sharing all this with my mother might inspire her to take up something she can do regulary - like my jog. Also I felt like sharing what's happening in my life. Being Experimental made me take this step which was not possible earlier.
I started sharing how 2008 was for me and how my friend's suggestion of taking up one small thing (jog) and doing it regularly gave me an access to spring back to Life. Then we just started talking all over the things and I slowly started getting into her world. And after some time, from my usual advice mode when I switched to listening mode, I was surprised to listen - without her telling - what was important to her. I got present to her world completely.
Earlier in my view she was someone who complained a lot. I never accepted nor approved what she complained about. This made me repel from her even more. But when I got her world I realized how compelled she was to do whatever she was doing. I pointed that to her and saw a smile on her face.
Now, even if she speaks of things that I don't accept or approve, at least I can listen to her, which earlier was too much of a burden for me. So, now I don't have to avoid her. I can be with her. I accept her the way she is. I am more peaceful now.
Day 12 - Open Communication and transparency
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: Yesterday I created a possibility of open communication and transperancy yesterday. Today morning I went to a friend's house for lunch. I was talking to him about happenings in my life. When personal stuff came I was trying to be cautious and wanted to share with him but was very uncomfortable that his wife might listen. My friend was blissfully unware of this! After a couple of minutes I remembered my possibility of being open in communication and transperancy. And then I talked freely. The result was that his wife contributed significantly to the discussion and spoke of some things that were so very valuable to me. It was one of the most enriching discussions I have had. I am very happy about it.
WWTT #2: In the evening I wanted to pray before doing one of the most important things. I sat down and felt like chanting long duration Om, while exhaling. When I started doing it I got conscious that some of the neighbors might listen in. Suddenly my voice lowered. Then I caught this as WWTT. But still struggled a lot to confront. But in the end I did have a victory over it and actually enjoyed saying it out loud.
WWTT#1: Yesterday I created a possibility of open communication and transperancy yesterday. Today morning I went to a friend's house for lunch. I was talking to him about happenings in my life. When personal stuff came I was trying to be cautious and wanted to share with him but was very uncomfortable that his wife might listen. My friend was blissfully unware of this! After a couple of minutes I remembered my possibility of being open in communication and transperancy. And then I talked freely. The result was that his wife contributed significantly to the discussion and spoke of some things that were so very valuable to me. It was one of the most enriching discussions I have had. I am very happy about it.
WWTT #2: In the evening I wanted to pray before doing one of the most important things. I sat down and felt like chanting long duration Om, while exhaling. When I started doing it I got conscious that some of the neighbors might listen in. Suddenly my voice lowered. Then I caught this as WWTT. But still struggled a lot to confront. But in the end I did have a victory over it and actually enjoyed saying it out loud.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Being Experimenting
Monday night one of my bosses pinged me and talked of an escalation by a customer I was working with. He said that they are complaining of not getting response and asked me to look into it. I had no idea of this and in fact was giving more than the needed attention to this customer. Immediately I got angry on this customer and told myself - 'Hell with him. I don't want to help him anymore.' and I left for home.
As I was heading home I ruminated on what might have caused the dissatisfaction. I thought about exchange of few mails between the customer and I in the previous week, where I did not agree to his suggestion. He wanted me to be the only person to send him mails and not let my team members directly talk to him. I did not want to be the bottleneck and while saying so I also added, - just to make it light - that I wanted to use my computer science background and avoid single point of failure. So while ruminating over this I thought if that last statement offended him and that may be I shouldn't have written that.
Then I realized that, actually, before sending the mail I had spent a considerable amount of time worrying about the content, sentence structure, tone, etc. In other words I was very cautious. Yet it seemed that it offended him. And the way I dealt with the consequence was being don't care (hell with him) and indifferent.
That's when it struck me that it was not the first time I had spent unnecessarily lengthy time to write emails. Almost every time, I spend a lot of time worrying about trivial things. Also I got present to the fact that even if it's simple math calculation - say of adding few numbers - I repeat at least twice. I HAVE to reconfirm my calculations. I always watched out for mistakes.
I realized that who I was for myself was someone who is prone to mistakes and one who goofs up inadvertently. Hence I had to watch out for mistakes and had to make sure that no mistake or goof-up creeped in. Hence I was always very cautious. Never took any chance or risk. Mistakes were just not acceptable - no margin for mistakes, whatsoever. Hence I always played it safe. I never ventured into unchartered territories. I always hesitated to take any decision. Hence always shied away from responsibility and accountability. Always paired with someone or played in team - that way I could let others decide for me. Most of the time it was 'fate' that I let to decide.
The impact of this way of being on my life was that I did not have enough confidence in me, internally. I was worried about the future when I have to start playing alone. I hated my indecisiveness. I kept procrastinating things and finished only when deadline arrived. And I was not content with this and this left me with a feeling of unfulfilled life.
I know that this conversation that 'I am prone to mistakes and inadvertant goof-ups' will not go away and hence no point trying to fix it by being bold or anything. As soon as I saw what was running my life, from nowhere the possibility of being experimental occured to me and called me into action. If I bring in 'being experimental' in life I can try out anything I want. After all mistakes are part of the experiment.
I am seeing that after I got this I started seeing many new possibilities. In the past even if I got an opening/possibility I doubted if it was the right one and in the process killed it. Getting this breakthrough was a BIG thing and I can see that it has made a huge difference in just last one week.
As I was heading home I ruminated on what might have caused the dissatisfaction. I thought about exchange of few mails between the customer and I in the previous week, where I did not agree to his suggestion. He wanted me to be the only person to send him mails and not let my team members directly talk to him. I did not want to be the bottleneck and while saying so I also added, - just to make it light - that I wanted to use my computer science background and avoid single point of failure. So while ruminating over this I thought if that last statement offended him and that may be I shouldn't have written that.
Then I realized that, actually, before sending the mail I had spent a considerable amount of time worrying about the content, sentence structure, tone, etc. In other words I was very cautious. Yet it seemed that it offended him. And the way I dealt with the consequence was being don't care (hell with him) and indifferent.
That's when it struck me that it was not the first time I had spent unnecessarily lengthy time to write emails. Almost every time, I spend a lot of time worrying about trivial things. Also I got present to the fact that even if it's simple math calculation - say of adding few numbers - I repeat at least twice. I HAVE to reconfirm my calculations. I always watched out for mistakes.
I realized that who I was for myself was someone who is prone to mistakes and one who goofs up inadvertently. Hence I had to watch out for mistakes and had to make sure that no mistake or goof-up creeped in. Hence I was always very cautious. Never took any chance or risk. Mistakes were just not acceptable - no margin for mistakes, whatsoever. Hence I always played it safe. I never ventured into unchartered territories. I always hesitated to take any decision. Hence always shied away from responsibility and accountability. Always paired with someone or played in team - that way I could let others decide for me. Most of the time it was 'fate' that I let to decide.
The impact of this way of being on my life was that I did not have enough confidence in me, internally. I was worried about the future when I have to start playing alone. I hated my indecisiveness. I kept procrastinating things and finished only when deadline arrived. And I was not content with this and this left me with a feeling of unfulfilled life.
I know that this conversation that 'I am prone to mistakes and inadvertant goof-ups' will not go away and hence no point trying to fix it by being bold or anything. As soon as I saw what was running my life, from nowhere the possibility of being experimental occured to me and called me into action. If I bring in 'being experimental' in life I can try out anything I want. After all mistakes are part of the experiment.
I am seeing that after I got this I started seeing many new possibilities. In the past even if I got an opening/possibility I doubted if it was the right one and in the process killed it. Getting this breakthrough was a BIG thing and I can see that it has made a huge difference in just last one week.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Day 11 - Going good
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: I talk of many things with a colleague of mine freely. But I have always hesitated to ask why this person is not inclined to do the course I highly recommend and see as very valuable to life. Today, initially, while talking I went close to asking for concerns and then went around it and did not ask. I am really committed for this person to have an extraordinary life and I know the course will give the needed opening. Hence I caught myself and told myself 'Enough of hesitation and looking good. Just do it. You know it's worth taking the chance' and I asked the question straight - 'what are your concerns?'. There were valid concerns; valid and true for this colleague of mine. By asking I could hear them and attempt to address them, an opportunity I would not have had, had I been clinging onto looking good.
WWTT#2: Yet another one, just as I was about to finish this. A close cousin of mine pinged me after a long time and asked what I was doing. Immediate response was to say 'nothing' and hide this blog from her. Then immediately I saw this as an opportunity to confront WWTT - what if others who know me see? And I shared the link. Yo ho!
WWTT#1: I talk of many things with a colleague of mine freely. But I have always hesitated to ask why this person is not inclined to do the course I highly recommend and see as very valuable to life. Today, initially, while talking I went close to asking for concerns and then went around it and did not ask. I am really committed for this person to have an extraordinary life and I know the course will give the needed opening. Hence I caught myself and told myself 'Enough of hesitation and looking good. Just do it. You know it's worth taking the chance' and I asked the question straight - 'what are your concerns?'. There were valid concerns; valid and true for this colleague of mine. By asking I could hear them and attempt to address them, an opportunity I would not have had, had I been clinging onto looking good.
WWTT#2: Yet another one, just as I was about to finish this. A close cousin of mine pinged me after a long time and asked what I was doing. Immediate response was to say 'nothing' and hide this blog from her. Then immediately I saw this as an opportunity to confront WWTT - what if others who know me see? And I shared the link. Yo ho!
Work is Fun and Joy!
2008 was an un-workable year, okay I accept, not just unworkable, rather a bad year - both in personal life and work life. Nothing really worked - except for my last two vacations. Relatively, work wise it was very bad. I produced no great results - something I had been consistently doing in the past.
A work was assigned to me, where I did not have much choice. I said let me work on it and put in hard work. Many a times I put in sincere efforts to make it work. But I knew that my heart was not in it. And I never got to know why that was so. I gave many convincing reasons as to why there are no results - ranging from - users of this product don't like this to this is not cool to even doubting if I was incapable to do this. But I did not communicate straight that I didn't want to do it. I was not ready for the consequences. I thought somehow things will work out for themselves. In simple words I did not take responsibility for this.
The effect was that there were no results. Since there were no results I started feeling guilty and started avoiding the people I was answerable to. I gave reasons to miss the meetings/calls. I made others wrong. That added more guilt. Work became a drag. I started doubting myself. Nothing in life was interesting. There was absolutely no fulfillment, happiness and peace of mind.
Yesterday when I put myself 100% responsible for this I saw that actually I felt that the work was thrusted upon my against my wish. It came as 'you have no choice' and that I was stubborn to work and put my soul into it. I was upto 'Look I told you I can't do it. And still you gave me. Face it. No results' !
The moment I got present to this blindspot, I invented the possibility of work being Fun and Joy. I was so much called into it. And also I realized that I can create Fun and Joy around this and spread it to all the people around.
If work is Fun and Joy, there is no significance attached to it. And hence no stress and I can be straight with people and be in open communication. So, Fun and Joy it is!!!
A work was assigned to me, where I did not have much choice. I said let me work on it and put in hard work. Many a times I put in sincere efforts to make it work. But I knew that my heart was not in it. And I never got to know why that was so. I gave many convincing reasons as to why there are no results - ranging from - users of this product don't like this to this is not cool to even doubting if I was incapable to do this. But I did not communicate straight that I didn't want to do it. I was not ready for the consequences. I thought somehow things will work out for themselves. In simple words I did not take responsibility for this.
The effect was that there were no results. Since there were no results I started feeling guilty and started avoiding the people I was answerable to. I gave reasons to miss the meetings/calls. I made others wrong. That added more guilt. Work became a drag. I started doubting myself. Nothing in life was interesting. There was absolutely no fulfillment, happiness and peace of mind.
Yesterday when I put myself 100% responsible for this I saw that actually I felt that the work was thrusted upon my against my wish. It came as 'you have no choice' and that I was stubborn to work and put my soul into it. I was upto 'Look I told you I can't do it. And still you gave me. Face it. No results' !
The moment I got present to this blindspot, I invented the possibility of work being Fun and Joy. I was so much called into it. And also I realized that I can create Fun and Joy around this and spread it to all the people around.
If work is Fun and Joy, there is no significance attached to it. And hence no stress and I can be straight with people and be in open communication. So, Fun and Joy it is!!!
Day 10 - Love, Bliss and Full-of-life
Jog - done.
I had a victory over one of the biggest WWTTs. I went and shared my life and my stake for the seminar. I could see that every participant was touched by it and were fully intentional to the fulfillment of my commitment. Another outcome was that I got connected to the seminar participants. Now, I am a stand for them - for they fulfilling on whatever they came to the seminar for.
Later, in the seminar I just went ahead and shared two more times, a record in my participation so far. What I realized was that I was playing out full and was seeing the seminar work for me. The integrity being honored in the area of morning jog is actually showing up in me playing out full. As a result I started seeing the inauthenticities like never before. New possibilities of being kept emerging and really called me powerfully into action.
I have to acknowledge my friend who was a firm stand that I get a victory over my past. He also helped me cause a breakthrough in another important area of my life - the relatedness to my mother and my father, which in turn gave me strength to be bold enough to go and share. I thank you, my friend!
I invented the possibility of being loving, blissful and full-of-life.
I had a victory over one of the biggest WWTTs. I went and shared my life and my stake for the seminar. I could see that every participant was touched by it and were fully intentional to the fulfillment of my commitment. Another outcome was that I got connected to the seminar participants. Now, I am a stand for them - for they fulfilling on whatever they came to the seminar for.
Later, in the seminar I just went ahead and shared two more times, a record in my participation so far. What I realized was that I was playing out full and was seeing the seminar work for me. The integrity being honored in the area of morning jog is actually showing up in me playing out full. As a result I started seeing the inauthenticities like never before. New possibilities of being kept emerging and really called me powerfully into action.
I have to acknowledge my friend who was a firm stand that I get a victory over my past. He also helped me cause a breakthrough in another important area of my life - the relatedness to my mother and my father, which in turn gave me strength to be bold enough to go and share. I thank you, my friend!
I invented the possibility of being loving, blissful and full-of-life.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Day 8
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: Yesterday night when I got a breakthrough I thought of telling my brother in the morning. But when the morning came and I saw him I saw a lot of hesitation in telling him about it. Not sure if it was a WWTT but surely some hesitation. After dilly-dallying I went ahead and shared the breakthrough with him. However did not result in the satisfaction I get when overcoming other WWTTs.
WWTT#2: Today when I was sharing the same with a colleague I was trying to keep the stories part to a place where others wouldn't listen. But then I thought it's an opportunity to confront WWTT and talked freely without bothering about others around.
WWTT#1: Yesterday night when I got a breakthrough I thought of telling my brother in the morning. But when the morning came and I saw him I saw a lot of hesitation in telling him about it. Not sure if it was a WWTT but surely some hesitation. After dilly-dallying I went ahead and shared the breakthrough with him. However did not result in the satisfaction I get when overcoming other WWTTs.
WWTT#2: Today when I was sharing the same with a colleague I was trying to keep the stories part to a place where others wouldn't listen. But then I thought it's an opportunity to confront WWTT and talked freely without bothering about others around.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Day 7 - nothing
Missed jog today. Slept way too late and didn't getup early.
There is not a single confrontation of WWTT to write about today. Wonder how to add more to the list. Is it that I went after only the low hanging fruits and turning a blind eye to the real ones? Coz. I cannot believe that there are no more WWTTs.
There is not a single confrontation of WWTT to write about today. Wonder how to add more to the list. Is it that I went after only the low hanging fruits and turning a blind eye to the real ones? Coz. I cannot believe that there are no more WWTTs.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Love, Partnership and Romance!
What is Love, partnership and romance? How are they related, if at all?
Love: Love is acceptance; it is submission - complete surrender. Love is unconditional; it is unifying - being one with another, and it is also a feeling or emotion. It may start with a feeling but not feeling only. Love demands maturity - an immature doesn't love. He is only interested in possession of the loved one and confuses it to love. Love is to let go oneself and one's ego.
Love is a declaration - I love because I said so. Love is faith - a blind faith. Love is trusting the loved one. In love we don't make the loved one wrong. Love is understanding. Love is giving space to the loved one and love is respecting. Love is not a show-off. Love is being filterless with the loved one. In love there are no expectations.
Love is discovering myself - my working and limitations. Love is the ultimate test, for all the above said are various faces of love but rarely we have them in pure form. To love is to seek God, for God too can be described with various attributes and we hardly can comprehend any.
Love is limitless. It multiplies. Love is generative in nature - i.e, it can be generated [by delcaration] limitlessly. Unlike Energy the law of conservation doesn't apply to love.
Romance: Romance is an expression of love. It adds spice to life. It is the creative expression. Love is the source of romance.
Partnership: Partnership is understanding - of each other and of the raison detre of the partnership. It is objective in nature. Partnership enables workability. It is not an emotion nor a feeling. It's pure business, for survival. Again, love is the fuel for partnership.
Romance and Partnerships are the right and left brain functions respectively. Love is central to both. A right balance between partnership and romance , coupled with abundance of love is is the key to happiness.
Love: Love is acceptance; it is submission - complete surrender. Love is unconditional; it is unifying - being one with another, and it is also a feeling or emotion. It may start with a feeling but not feeling only. Love demands maturity - an immature doesn't love. He is only interested in possession of the loved one and confuses it to love. Love is to let go oneself and one's ego.
Love is a declaration - I love because I said so. Love is faith - a blind faith. Love is trusting the loved one. In love we don't make the loved one wrong. Love is understanding. Love is giving space to the loved one and love is respecting. Love is not a show-off. Love is being filterless with the loved one. In love there are no expectations.
Love is discovering myself - my working and limitations. Love is the ultimate test, for all the above said are various faces of love but rarely we have them in pure form. To love is to seek God, for God too can be described with various attributes and we hardly can comprehend any.
Love is limitless. It multiplies. Love is generative in nature - i.e, it can be generated [by delcaration] limitlessly. Unlike Energy the law of conservation doesn't apply to love.
Romance: Romance is an expression of love. It adds spice to life. It is the creative expression. Love is the source of romance.
Partnership: Partnership is understanding - of each other and of the raison detre of the partnership. It is objective in nature. Partnership enables workability. It is not an emotion nor a feeling. It's pure business, for survival. Again, love is the fuel for partnership.
Romance and Partnerships are the right and left brain functions respectively. Love is central to both. A right balance between partnership and romance , coupled with abundance of love is is the key to happiness.
Day 6 - +1
Only one thing to report today. I had taken my niece to show my office. I was showing her the golf course opposite my office. That's when 3-4 golfers came along with their caddies. My niece was curious know about the interesting clubs and gear they were holding. So she was looking at them and asking me questions. Then they looked at us and figured out that we were looking at them. The golfers were okay with it and were just watching.Normally, I would turn back when I am conscious that someone is seeing us see them. And even today I felt like telling my niece to be quiet and head back. But then I realized that it's the inauthentic fear that is making me run away from this. It was a WWTT. So I was happy I caught one for the day :) And I stood there, explained to her - without bothering what they would think of me. +1!
Day 5
I resumed my jog. But unfortunately I couldn't identify any WWTTs today :( Am I running out of ideas? I hope I get some tomorrow to fill up my blog space!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Day 4 - Missed the target
Day 4 saw me miss my both targets - viz. Jog and blog. I did neither. I had a call early morning and I got up a little late too. That was an excuse for not jogging. I joined a new seminar, which ended very late and hence no mood to write the blog :(
Anyway, on Day 4, I worked from home and hence very little chances of WWTT. One thing I decided was to talk to all strangers in the seminar. So I did proactively went ahead and spoke to most of the people and introduced myself, for no reason. However with some people I still felt some hesitation. So I would call it partial success.
Anyway, on Day 4, I worked from home and hence very little chances of WWTT. One thing I decided was to talk to all strangers in the seminar. So I did proactively went ahead and spoke to most of the people and introduced myself, for no reason. However with some people I still felt some hesitation. So I would call it partial success.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Day 3 - Empty set
Unfortunately I there is not a single win over WWTT I can write about.
Yesterday night itself I had identified one WWTT proactively. I thought that I would say hi to all the people in my floor who I know by face but never said hello to. But unfortunately I did not meet any such person face to face, not even in the lift :(
Don't have any new WWTT to attack tomorrow! I will pursue today's missed one though.
Yesterday night itself I had identified one WWTT proactively. I thought that I would say hi to all the people in my floor who I know by face but never said hello to. But unfortunately I did not meet any such person face to face, not even in the lift :(
Don't have any new WWTT to attack tomorrow! I will pursue today's missed one though.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Day 2
Today being a holiday I spent most of the time at home. So there was less action and hence lower chances to be vulnerable to embarrassment. Still I could manage to identify two WWTTs, no actually three. Yey! goal achieved for today!
One: Today when I started for morning jog I thought that after completing the jog I would sit in the meditating posture on the lawn at Ulsoor Lake where almost all joggers/walkers will pass through and thus see me. This may look like 'no big deal'. But for me, it is. And I did it. Initial plan was to just sit in Padmasana. But I ended up sitting in pukka meditation posture with palms open/streched.
Two: Today was a cloudy day with perfect atomosphere for photographing sun and sky. I missed my camera so much at Ulsoor lake. When I came home I thought of taking out camera and shooting few pictures from my window. Then I realised that the photographs would come out well if I tried from the terrace. But something stopped me. I realized it was yet another WWTT, which in fact had stopped my photo shoots many a times earlier. Now I thought it's an opportunity I don't want to miss - an opportunity to face WWTT not the photo shoot :)
Three: At around 9:30 pm I was home sitting on my bed listening to songs in my iPod. I was also sitting in Padmasana trying to see how much I can strech. I was also thinking that because I didn't go out I had less chances of facing WWTTs and that I must get in action. Just then Ram Ram Sitaram started. It's one of those songs/bhajans, which attracts my full attention and helps me focus. So I closed my eyes and streched my arms to form meditation posture. In a minute I sensed that my sister-in-law pass through the room. For a split second I thought let me get back to my normal posture. I felt that I didn't want others at home know/think that I was meditating. Surprisingly I identified it as WWTT almost instantaneously and continued in the same posture.
It feels good to a)identify and overcome WWTTs and b)to keep my word of listing at least 3 a day. In fact I am enjoying this now. I am dying to identify more and more WWTTs and challenge them.
Today's resolve: Jog and Blog everyday, without fail.
One: Today when I started for morning jog I thought that after completing the jog I would sit in the meditating posture on the lawn at Ulsoor Lake where almost all joggers/walkers will pass through and thus see me. This may look like 'no big deal'. But for me, it is. And I did it. Initial plan was to just sit in Padmasana. But I ended up sitting in pukka meditation posture with palms open/streched.
Two: Today was a cloudy day with perfect atomosphere for photographing sun and sky. I missed my camera so much at Ulsoor lake. When I came home I thought of taking out camera and shooting few pictures from my window. Then I realised that the photographs would come out well if I tried from the terrace. But something stopped me. I realized it was yet another WWTT, which in fact had stopped my photo shoots many a times earlier. Now I thought it's an opportunity I don't want to miss - an opportunity to face WWTT not the photo shoot :)
Three: At around 9:30 pm I was home sitting on my bed listening to songs in my iPod. I was also sitting in Padmasana trying to see how much I can strech. I was also thinking that because I didn't go out I had less chances of facing WWTTs and that I must get in action. Just then Ram Ram Sitaram started. It's one of those songs/bhajans, which attracts my full attention and helps me focus. So I closed my eyes and streched my arms to form meditation posture. In a minute I sensed that my sister-in-law pass through the room. For a split second I thought let me get back to my normal posture. I felt that I didn't want others at home know/think that I was meditating. Surprisingly I identified it as WWTT almost instantaneously and continued in the same posture.
It feels good to a)identify and overcome WWTTs and b)to keep my word of listing at least 3 a day. In fact I am enjoying this now. I am dying to identify more and more WWTTs and challenge them.
Today's resolve: Jog and Blog everyday, without fail.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Day 1 - What will they think!
Today's first 'what will they think' (WWTT) came up as soon as I got up. It was cold in the morning. So I thought I would wear both sweater and jerkin to jog. Then I remembered that some, rather many, people come to jogging on T-shirts only. So my WWTT when they see me clad in multiple layers? But I knew it would be cold. Still, for a moment I thought of not wearing warm clothing. Then I caught myself that this is a WWTT and wore both sweater and jerkin. First win!
Damn! there was a second one. How can I forget so soon. I will come back and edit it once I remember that.
Third one. In the evening I was listening to music. It was Gundecha brothers' Dhrupad rendition. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to it. But I feared WWTT if they see me closing my eyes and listening to music. So I kept one work window open - a shell window - and closed my eyes. Immediately I realised its WWTT at action again. Opened my eyes, brought Media palyer in the foreground, put in on full screen and closed my eyes. If someone wants to see me, let them. But no one noticed me .. pch pch pch :(
Finally, about starting this blog. First I was thinking of writing my WWTTs (had not yet coined the acronym then) in some note book. Then suddenly the thought occured sa to why not write it in a blog. Spontaneoulsly a stream of thoughts came in from opposite direction. What if someone sees it? what if they see my drawbacks? why be vulnerable? After catching it as a WWTT I said I must start the blog. But then, frankly speaking, I told myself that I will create a blog but with no info in profile. Till I wrote last line, may be even now, I was/am struggling with the idea of whether to publish my personal details or not. To share this with people I know or not. I think I will share it. I wanna win over you my dear WWTT!!!
Damn! there was a second one. How can I forget so soon. I will come back and edit it once I remember that.
Third one. In the evening I was listening to music. It was Gundecha brothers' Dhrupad rendition. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to it. But I feared WWTT if they see me closing my eyes and listening to music. So I kept one work window open - a shell window - and closed my eyes. Immediately I realised its WWTT at action again. Opened my eyes, brought Media palyer in the foreground, put in on full screen and closed my eyes. If someone wants to see me, let them. But no one noticed me .. pch pch pch :(
Finally, about starting this blog. First I was thinking of writing my WWTTs (had not yet coined the acronym then) in some note book. Then suddenly the thought occured sa to why not write it in a blog. Spontaneoulsly a stream of thoughts came in from opposite direction. What if someone sees it? what if they see my drawbacks? why be vulnerable? After catching it as a WWTT I said I must start the blog. But then, frankly speaking, I told myself that I will create a blog but with no info in profile. Till I wrote last line, may be even now, I was/am struggling with the idea of whether to publish my personal details or not. To share this with people I know or not. I think I will share it. I wanna win over you my dear WWTT!!!
Looking good and Avoiding looking bad - Why this blog?
A large part of my life is about 'Looking good and avoiding looking bad' - both literally and figuratively. Though it is my desire to be myself and not be gripped by this I know how deep rooted it is and how hard it is to come out of its grips. First thing I want to address is the literal 'looking good' part.
Embarrassment is one thing I just cannot handle - be it happening to me or to someone else. I somehow have to avoid it. One of the things constantly running in my mind is of the form 'Am I behaving correctly? Am I dressed correct to the occasion? Is someone looking at me for some stupid thing I am doing? Will they catch me being stupid?' This is costing me my self expression. For example what will people think if I go in open and start taking photographs? Do they think I am flaunting my camera? What if they think I am a good photographer and I end up screwing it up? It's all about they, them. But deep down it's all about me, Me, ME. I am so self obsessed that I cannot afford looking bad even for a single instance. It's as if everybody is looking only at me; to find faults.
Yesterday I felt differently and told myself - enough is enough. I cannot resist the temptation to avoid looking bad. So let me intentionally try looking bad. Every time I feel avoiding something thinking it might lead to me looking bad, I thought I would do it. And made a resolution that everyday I will list down at least three things where I looked bad.
This blog is all about my everyday listings of intentional looking bad. In fact the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of the blog was - what if people read this? what do they think of me? But then immediately I caught myself and said - 'there you go. Yet another avoiding looking bad. So I must do it'. Still, even now I am not comfortable when I think what if people who know me get to know this blog is mine :( But.. hell with 'them' - not the people I know - but 'them', the people in my world who have no work but observe me :)
Embarrassment is one thing I just cannot handle - be it happening to me or to someone else. I somehow have to avoid it. One of the things constantly running in my mind is of the form 'Am I behaving correctly? Am I dressed correct to the occasion? Is someone looking at me for some stupid thing I am doing? Will they catch me being stupid?' This is costing me my self expression. For example what will people think if I go in open and start taking photographs? Do they think I am flaunting my camera? What if they think I am a good photographer and I end up screwing it up? It's all about they, them. But deep down it's all about me, Me, ME. I am so self obsessed that I cannot afford looking bad even for a single instance. It's as if everybody is looking only at me; to find faults.
Yesterday I felt differently and told myself - enough is enough. I cannot resist the temptation to avoid looking bad. So let me intentionally try looking bad. Every time I feel avoiding something thinking it might lead to me looking bad, I thought I would do it. And made a resolution that everyday I will list down at least three things where I looked bad.
This blog is all about my everyday listings of intentional looking bad. In fact the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of the blog was - what if people read this? what do they think of me? But then immediately I caught myself and said - 'there you go. Yet another avoiding looking bad. So I must do it'. Still, even now I am not comfortable when I think what if people who know me get to know this blog is mine :( But.. hell with 'them' - not the people I know - but 'them', the people in my world who have no work but observe me :)
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