I couldn't help notice this while returning from the gym today.
I always use my bike or car to go anywhere. I use elevator to reach my office in 6th floor. And to compensate for the sedentary life style I have go to gym and use treadmill and cross trainer!
In olden days people just walked to work, used all their muscles to do their work. So work was not about just earning the bread but a lifestyle in itself. They had so nice interwoven work and life that nobody really felt the need of work-life balance. Whereas we have compartmentalized everything - work, commute, work out etc. And we focus on efficiency and in each task separately and we want to optimize them to the maximum. Yet, they expended almost zero (external) fuel to maintain themselves. Now I waste twice the fuel (one set to reach to work comfortably and another to burn the fat accumulated due to this comfort!) ! And we say we are XYZ% productive than our ancestors!!!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Whatever happens, Happens for good
I was always inclined towards thinking "whatever happens, happens for good'. For many years it helped me live without worrying/thinking too much. Smooth life. But now after seeing some recent events in my life my belief it has increased multi folds. Even if I had planned my life and had all the ability to create it I don't think I would have made it like the way it turned out by itself!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Being Righteous - the biggest killer of love
Yesterday night I did not get sleep. So instead of forcing myself to sleep I got up at 5:30 and went to jog.
After finishing the jog, I sat on the banks of Ulsoor lake and started to think about my last blog entry - Universal Love. When writing the blog I was so much called by that possibility of love. But afterward I got back to normal routine of me, me & me. Today when I was thinking of it, it occurred to me that when I have 'self righteousness' love gets lost. I cannot love someone or something (including work) when I am full of I am right and it/him/her shouldn't be that way. Just by realizing this, I won't be easily giving up being right. It's almost like second nature. Only me enrolling myself into the possibility will help. So just as it is hard for me to readily accept others as they are and what they do, so it is for them to mend their ways to be acceptable by me.
Thinking all these I got up and started walking. While on the way I told myself, 'Just be okay with whatever people do. There is nothing called right or wrong. Whatever they do is what they do. Their actions are based on their basic nature'. I remembered an example my uncle gave me once. He said ' Cotton is soft and white. If you burn it it will be brittle and black. You have successfully changed its property (and behavior), but it is no more cotton'. How true! You cannot have apple and the pie too. We are like 'I want X in you but not Y'. Life is a package deal - you get all or none. But what we do is to try to customize it - all the time. We forget that if we take something out of life, it's no more Life.
So as I started heading home I made up my mind that today I will live such that everything is okay with me. It felt good. I came home. As I was parking my bike I heard loud and irritating noise of drilling machine my neighbour is using to renovate his house - something that has been going on for 2 months. Immediate thought I had was ' What the heck! It's 6:30 am and this guy already started that damn machine. Grrrr...'
So much for the noble thought that had crept in just few min before. One external disturbance and everything went for a toss! Wah re mera mann!
After finishing the jog, I sat on the banks of Ulsoor lake and started to think about my last blog entry - Universal Love. When writing the blog I was so much called by that possibility of love. But afterward I got back to normal routine of me, me & me. Today when I was thinking of it, it occurred to me that when I have 'self righteousness' love gets lost. I cannot love someone or something (including work) when I am full of I am right and it/him/her shouldn't be that way. Just by realizing this, I won't be easily giving up being right. It's almost like second nature. Only me enrolling myself into the possibility will help. So just as it is hard for me to readily accept others as they are and what they do, so it is for them to mend their ways to be acceptable by me.
Thinking all these I got up and started walking. While on the way I told myself, 'Just be okay with whatever people do. There is nothing called right or wrong. Whatever they do is what they do. Their actions are based on their basic nature'. I remembered an example my uncle gave me once. He said ' Cotton is soft and white. If you burn it it will be brittle and black. You have successfully changed its property (and behavior), but it is no more cotton'. How true! You cannot have apple and the pie too. We are like 'I want X in you but not Y'. Life is a package deal - you get all or none. But what we do is to try to customize it - all the time. We forget that if we take something out of life, it's no more Life.
So as I started heading home I made up my mind that today I will live such that everything is okay with me. It felt good. I came home. As I was parking my bike I heard loud and irritating noise of drilling machine my neighbour is using to renovate his house - something that has been going on for 2 months. Immediate thought I had was ' What the heck! It's 6:30 am and this guy already started that damn machine. Grrrr...'
So much for the noble thought that had crept in just few min before. One external disturbance and everything went for a toss! Wah re mera mann!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
What is Life - Living with contentment or chasing the dreams?
Of late I am getting this basic question - Is life about knowing and living or is it solving a series of problems?
We all have millions of wishes and wants in life. And not all of them are fulfilled and most of them seem unaccomplishable. We will not be happy if we have these unfulfilled wishes. Then how do we live? Do we devote our entire life to keep fulfilling these wants/wishes one by one, by removing the obstacles that prevent us from fulfilling these? or do we invest our energy in understanding how to live with what we have, since anyway this wish list is a never ending one?
I think the typical western approach to life has been of the former one while that of easter the latter. Is this why we easterners tend to ignore the problems and 'adjust' while a westerner wants to conquer it and move on. But throughout your life if you keep conquering when will you get time to rest your mind and be calm?
Of late I am finding no interest in doing anything. When I started thinking deeper I started realizing that I don't have a bigger motive or a bigger problem to solve. For last few years I constituted myself as a 'possibility of empowerment'. I said my life is all about empowering myself and the world around me. In living that way there was a goal to achieve, or at least I could create goals that I would strive after. In last few months 'empowerment' is appearing as a fix I came up with, a fix to life which was otherwise worthless. By declaring myself as the one standing for empowerment I could attribute some value to my life, make it worth living. In doing so I think, though I created a context, at the background was the fact that if not empowerment my life is worthless. That's why I called it a fix and not a context created to live.
So when I figured out that what I need is a bigger challenge, a bigger problem to solve, I started thinking, what if that problem is solved or if I find that problem no more calling [me into action]. Will I be blanked out again? What is the basic approach to life?
But as I write this I am remembering the words of my coach(es) - that a created context is not real. It's just a context that lets me take actions, keeps me working, keeps me satisfied with myself and my life and ultimately lets me have peace of mind - moment to moment. So it is time for creating yet another context, one that calls me into some action. I want to go to primary school and teach young children, just to be around them, learn from them, be with them.
As I write this, over and over I am being called into the possibility of love - pure universal love. It is interesting fact that in my Landmark courses when somebody declared love as a possibility I told myself that this (love) is one thing I will never create as a possibility. To me it looked just next to impossible - but now I am being called by it. And with it I am also feeling compassion to fellow dwellers. And as I complete this I can see my breathing has is following a gentle rhythm, as if I just came out of meditation !!!
We all have millions of wishes and wants in life. And not all of them are fulfilled and most of them seem unaccomplishable. We will not be happy if we have these unfulfilled wishes. Then how do we live? Do we devote our entire life to keep fulfilling these wants/wishes one by one, by removing the obstacles that prevent us from fulfilling these? or do we invest our energy in understanding how to live with what we have, since anyway this wish list is a never ending one?
I think the typical western approach to life has been of the former one while that of easter the latter. Is this why we easterners tend to ignore the problems and 'adjust' while a westerner wants to conquer it and move on. But throughout your life if you keep conquering when will you get time to rest your mind and be calm?
Of late I am finding no interest in doing anything. When I started thinking deeper I started realizing that I don't have a bigger motive or a bigger problem to solve. For last few years I constituted myself as a 'possibility of empowerment'. I said my life is all about empowering myself and the world around me. In living that way there was a goal to achieve, or at least I could create goals that I would strive after. In last few months 'empowerment' is appearing as a fix I came up with, a fix to life which was otherwise worthless. By declaring myself as the one standing for empowerment I could attribute some value to my life, make it worth living. In doing so I think, though I created a context, at the background was the fact that if not empowerment my life is worthless. That's why I called it a fix and not a context created to live.
So when I figured out that what I need is a bigger challenge, a bigger problem to solve, I started thinking, what if that problem is solved or if I find that problem no more calling [me into action]. Will I be blanked out again? What is the basic approach to life?
But as I write this I am remembering the words of my coach(es) - that a created context is not real. It's just a context that lets me take actions, keeps me working, keeps me satisfied with myself and my life and ultimately lets me have peace of mind - moment to moment. So it is time for creating yet another context, one that calls me into some action. I want to go to primary school and teach young children, just to be around them, learn from them, be with them.
As I write this, over and over I am being called into the possibility of love - pure universal love. It is interesting fact that in my Landmark courses when somebody declared love as a possibility I told myself that this (love) is one thing I will never create as a possibility. To me it looked just next to impossible - but now I am being called by it. And with it I am also feeling compassion to fellow dwellers. And as I complete this I can see my breathing has is following a gentle rhythm, as if I just came out of meditation !!!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Day 50-59 - Reasons, Reasons, Everywhere!
Day 50-58 -Jog. Skipped.
Day 59 - Jog - done.
Whole of last week I gave into my reasons and skipped the jog. I also noticed that there was absolutely no 'josh' to do anything. Again work was seeming boring. What a waste of time?
Once slipped, it took more than a week to come back to normal, joshful life. Unless I take charge and break the pattern Life is waiting for dis-empowering reasons to occupy it and make me feel victim and powerless. What a shame! Even knowing all this makes no difference when I get into 'its' grips.
Day 59 - Jog - done.
Whole of last week I gave into my reasons and skipped the jog. I also noticed that there was absolutely no 'josh' to do anything. Again work was seeming boring. What a waste of time?
Once slipped, it took more than a week to come back to normal, joshful life. Unless I take charge and break the pattern Life is waiting for dis-empowering reasons to occupy it and make me feel victim and powerless. What a shame! Even knowing all this makes no difference when I get into 'its' grips.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Day 47-50 - Granting being
Day 47 - Jog - done
Day 48,49 - Jog - missed due to travel
Day 50 - Jog - missed for Art of Living
For last few days one thing was bothering me. I have a friend who sometimes shares about some breakdown at her workplace. The moment I hear about it I feel sorry for what she is going through and would want to make a difference to her. And I think that I know where the root of this is or if not I would get to know it and resolve the issue for her. So I start and go on either probing further or giving some analogy or asking her to see the problem from a different perspective etc. Within no time I get into 'gyaan' giving mode. And I start talking more and giving her less or sometime no chance to speak. That's when she [I think] gets irritated and stops me saying 'enough of gyaan'. Then I suddenly realize that unknowingly I have entered the gyaan mode and I feel bad for doing that.
On Saturday when I was looking at this I got few insights. I saw that when my friend came to share the breakdown I would think that she is suffering it and that she is not capable of overcoming it herself. And I would say that I can help her overcome that. Though my intention was to make a difference the place I was coming from was that she is incapable of handling this situation. I think all she wants is a buddy who would listen intently so that she can share her heart out. But I, instead of being a buddy, would become the coach, without even being asked for coaching.
I also noticed that she was not sharing that to get it resolved by me. In fact she would say that she would feel bad that day but would be okay by the next day. But I was not okay her being that way. I wanted to make her suffer free. But it also meant that I was trying to fix her that way of being - suffering for a day and thinking next day it would get over. I was not granting her way of being. That was at the root of it all.
Once I saw it I could let her be that way. I could grant her being. Now I can just listen to her, without giving any gyaan and without getting bothered by what she is going through. As of this writing I am realizing that just by listening I can let her empty her concerns. Apart from listening intently I will be a clearing for her getting what she wants out of the sharing. And if she wants coaching I am available for that and I am sure that then it would not occur as gyaan to either me or her. I am feeling so peaceful now!
Day 48,49 - Jog - missed due to travel
Day 50 - Jog - missed for Art of Living
For last few days one thing was bothering me. I have a friend who sometimes shares about some breakdown at her workplace. The moment I hear about it I feel sorry for what she is going through and would want to make a difference to her. And I think that I know where the root of this is or if not I would get to know it and resolve the issue for her. So I start and go on either probing further or giving some analogy or asking her to see the problem from a different perspective etc. Within no time I get into 'gyaan' giving mode. And I start talking more and giving her less or sometime no chance to speak. That's when she [I think] gets irritated and stops me saying 'enough of gyaan'. Then I suddenly realize that unknowingly I have entered the gyaan mode and I feel bad for doing that.
On Saturday when I was looking at this I got few insights. I saw that when my friend came to share the breakdown I would think that she is suffering it and that she is not capable of overcoming it herself. And I would say that I can help her overcome that. Though my intention was to make a difference the place I was coming from was that she is incapable of handling this situation. I think all she wants is a buddy who would listen intently so that she can share her heart out. But I, instead of being a buddy, would become the coach, without even being asked for coaching.
I also noticed that she was not sharing that to get it resolved by me. In fact she would say that she would feel bad that day but would be okay by the next day. But I was not okay her being that way. I wanted to make her suffer free. But it also meant that I was trying to fix her that way of being - suffering for a day and thinking next day it would get over. I was not granting her way of being. That was at the root of it all.
Once I saw it I could let her be that way. I could grant her being. Now I can just listen to her, without giving any gyaan and without getting bothered by what she is going through. As of this writing I am realizing that just by listening I can let her empty her concerns. Apart from listening intently I will be a clearing for her getting what she wants out of the sharing. And if she wants coaching I am available for that and I am sure that then it would not occur as gyaan to either me or her. I am feeling so peaceful now!
Friday, February 27, 2009
Day 45, 46 - Why I miss my jog? - Take 2
Day 45 - Jog - done.
Day 46 - Jog - missed.
Today I registered for Art of Living course starting from Mar-3. This was something that I have been wanting to do for almost 4-5 years now but somehow never happened. Today I took the action, knowing very well that I have to attend a conference from Mar 4-6 and that I might get delayed to conference. Something from deep inside told me to just jump in and I did!
--------------------------------
Two days back I wrote that it's the feeling of cool breeze that I was missing, that made me give my jog a slip. Yesterday morning I went to jog. But I did not really enjoy it. And today I missed it!
Yesterday night I came back late from my seminar and slept at almost 12:30. Before sleeping I was feeling tired and was thinking if I could manage next day's jog. Today morning I got up at 5:30 as alarm rang. I was not at all feeling like going to jog. So I went out in my balcony to feel the cool air and I did feel it. Yet it was not motivating enough to continue. I thought that may be it was the heat or may be the fan running all the night that is making me feel tired and I came back and slept off.
Today evening I was thinking as to why I did not go to jog and why I did not enjoy my jog yesterday. I looked at what made my day-before-yesterday's (Wednesday) jog so enjoyable that I did not have yesterday. I saw one thing. Tuesday evening before sleeping I was feeling very light. I had a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of leaving nothing incomplete. And that gave me the freshness for Wednesday. Whereas both yesterday and day before that I was not satisfied with my work.
I thought 'May be this feeling of incompleteness is at the source'. It's not that everyday I will complete all the work and feel being completely accomplished. But me distinguishing the source of why I was not feeling like jogging gave me an access. And as I write this, even today I did not complete what I set out to, in fact I did hardly anything. Still I am all charged up for tomorrow's jog. I can feel the difference between yesterday night and tonight. I hope this time I got it right :)
Day 46 - Jog - missed.
Today I registered for Art of Living course starting from Mar-3. This was something that I have been wanting to do for almost 4-5 years now but somehow never happened. Today I took the action, knowing very well that I have to attend a conference from Mar 4-6 and that I might get delayed to conference. Something from deep inside told me to just jump in and I did!
--------------------------------
Two days back I wrote that it's the feeling of cool breeze that I was missing, that made me give my jog a slip. Yesterday morning I went to jog. But I did not really enjoy it. And today I missed it!
Yesterday night I came back late from my seminar and slept at almost 12:30. Before sleeping I was feeling tired and was thinking if I could manage next day's jog. Today morning I got up at 5:30 as alarm rang. I was not at all feeling like going to jog. So I went out in my balcony to feel the cool air and I did feel it. Yet it was not motivating enough to continue. I thought that may be it was the heat or may be the fan running all the night that is making me feel tired and I came back and slept off.
Today evening I was thinking as to why I did not go to jog and why I did not enjoy my jog yesterday. I looked at what made my day-before-yesterday's (Wednesday) jog so enjoyable that I did not have yesterday. I saw one thing. Tuesday evening before sleeping I was feeling very light. I had a feeling of accomplishment, a sense of leaving nothing incomplete. And that gave me the freshness for Wednesday. Whereas both yesterday and day before that I was not satisfied with my work.
I thought 'May be this feeling of incompleteness is at the source'. It's not that everyday I will complete all the work and feel being completely accomplished. But me distinguishing the source of why I was not feeling like jogging gave me an access. And as I write this, even today I did not complete what I set out to, in fact I did hardly anything. Still I am all charged up for tomorrow's jog. I can feel the difference between yesterday night and tonight. I hope this time I got it right :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Day 44 - Feeling vs. Feeling
Jog - done.
For last few days I was not really feeling the kick from jogging and that was one of the reasons I was missing out. Yesterday my friend distinguished a beautiful thing. He asked me as to what I get when I jog. I started saying 'I get to go to work early and complete my work early. That makes me feel good etc.' He stopped me and said 'That's your knowledge of the effect of jog. Knowledge cannot compensate for the feeling (of feeling sleepy). Only a feeling can take on another feeling'.
Then I realized that one of the things I liked about morning jogs, when I started in Jan, was the cool breeze and the foggy atmosphere. Of late, by the time I went to jog Sun was bright and I was not at all comfy about it. My friend suggested to try going at 5:30 am. Today morning I got up at 5:30 and went to jog. I got the same old feeling of cool breeze and an atmosphere of serenity. I loved my jog today. Looking forward to tomorrow morning !
It's so simple. Don't fight battle of feeling with the ammunition of knowledge. Let another feeling do the job. Thank you my friend!
For last few days I was not really feeling the kick from jogging and that was one of the reasons I was missing out. Yesterday my friend distinguished a beautiful thing. He asked me as to what I get when I jog. I started saying 'I get to go to work early and complete my work early. That makes me feel good etc.' He stopped me and said 'That's your knowledge of the effect of jog. Knowledge cannot compensate for the feeling (of feeling sleepy). Only a feeling can take on another feeling'.
Then I realized that one of the things I liked about morning jogs, when I started in Jan, was the cool breeze and the foggy atmosphere. Of late, by the time I went to jog Sun was bright and I was not at all comfy about it. My friend suggested to try going at 5:30 am. Today morning I got up at 5:30 and went to jog. I got the same old feeling of cool breeze and an atmosphere of serenity. I loved my jog today. Looking forward to tomorrow morning !
It's so simple. Don't fight battle of feeling with the ammunition of knowledge. Let another feeling do the job. Thank you my friend!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Day 39-43 - That I want thee
Day 39-43. Jog - missed partly due to travel and partly due to laziness.
I was feeling sleepy at around 10:30 pm and was ready to sleep. I saw a book I had picked up last week - 'Selected Poems' of Tagore. The first line of the page I opened just touched me. It was from the renowned Gitanajali. As I started reading the rest of the poem it just moved me. I was so elated. It completely reflected my mind. It was pure bliss. I want to reproduce it here, as I read it, to experience it again in the future.
THAT I WANT thee, only thee – let my heart repeat
without end. All desires that distract me, day and
night, are false and empty to the core.
As the night keeps hidden in its gloom the petition for
light, even thus in the depth of my
unconsciousness rings the cry – I want thee, only thee.
As the storm still seeks its end in peace when it strikes
against peace with all its might, even thus my
rebellion strikes against thy love and still its cry
is – I want thee, only thee.
Amen!
I was feeling sleepy at around 10:30 pm and was ready to sleep. I saw a book I had picked up last week - 'Selected Poems' of Tagore. The first line of the page I opened just touched me. It was from the renowned Gitanajali. As I started reading the rest of the poem it just moved me. I was so elated. It completely reflected my mind. It was pure bliss. I want to reproduce it here, as I read it, to experience it again in the future.
THAT I WANT thee, only thee – let my heart repeat
without end. All desires that distract me, day and
night, are false and empty to the core.
As the night keeps hidden in its gloom the petition for
light, even thus in the depth of my
unconsciousness rings the cry – I want thee, only thee.
As the storm still seeks its end in peace when it strikes
against peace with all its might, even thus my
rebellion strikes against thy love and still its cry
is – I want thee, only thee.
Amen!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Day 36,37,38 - Picture and Frame
Day 36. Jog - missed
Day 37. Jog - done
Day 38. Jog - missed
I forgot to write about another dialogue from 'Shall We Dance' that touched me. In one of the scenes where Richard Gere and his partner are preparing for the dance competition and JeLo is teaching them. JeLo says
"You are the frame. She is the picture in your frame. Whatever you do, is to show her off"
What a beautiful analogy! Applying this to our life, no matter what relationships we are talking of we can always see a frame and picture. Parent-child, husband-wife, teacher-student, manager-employee, you just name it. It works great when a parent does whatever he or she does to ensure child's success. The moment the parent starts thinking of realizing his/her dreams through the child, the frame starts looking gaudy thereby ruining the overall beauty.
When I thought of this as applied to couples (husband-wife) it makes so much more sense. If each one of them operated from this angle - that I am there for you. 'Whatever I do, I want to do it to make you grow and make you succeed'! I am not saying that it's a sacrifice one is making and being self less etc. It's a pure expression of standing for another. That's why I have written 'want to' in bold. It works when it begins with pure willingness and not driven by any external thing.
Day 37. Jog - done
Day 38. Jog - missed
I forgot to write about another dialogue from 'Shall We Dance' that touched me. In one of the scenes where Richard Gere and his partner are preparing for the dance competition and JeLo is teaching them. JeLo says
"You are the frame. She is the picture in your frame. Whatever you do, is to show her off"
What a beautiful analogy! Applying this to our life, no matter what relationships we are talking of we can always see a frame and picture. Parent-child, husband-wife, teacher-student, manager-employee, you just name it. It works great when a parent does whatever he or she does to ensure child's success. The moment the parent starts thinking of realizing his/her dreams through the child, the frame starts looking gaudy thereby ruining the overall beauty.
When I thought of this as applied to couples (husband-wife) it makes so much more sense. If each one of them operated from this angle - that I am there for you. 'Whatever I do, I want to do it to make you grow and make you succeed'! I am not saying that it's a sacrifice one is making and being self less etc. It's a pure expression of standing for another. That's why I have written 'want to' in bold. It works when it begins with pure willingness and not driven by any external thing.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Day 35 - Possibility of well being and Healing
Jog - missed. Got up, got ready and then felt like sleeping. So I slept off :(
Today evening I was speaking to my friend about a colleague who has been not keeping well for few months now. Tomorrow I am going to meet him. I have not spoken to him since I came to know of his illness. All along I was thinking that if I called him up to enquire what's happening I would be disturbing him. At the same time I was feeling bad that I am not being of any help.
So I was asking my friend as to what difference I could make to my colleague's situation. We had a very empowering discussion and my friend suggested many things that I was not seeing. He distinguished that when one goes through any kind of trouble it's actually an opportunity for learning and growth.
When some one comes to me for career advice I keep saying similar thing. I say that failure is good for growth. When one fails he will use those strengths he never knew he had, just to come out of the failure. And we all have such strengths simply because we it's a matter of survival and we have very strong survival instincts - we are made to survive. So we use these dormant strengths to come out of the failure. Once we are out of that phase, the trouble is no more there but now we have the new strength, which we add to our repertoire. The failure can serve as an access to discover and use the dormant strength, in the future, forever.
When my friend distinguished it with regards to health I saw that ill-health is also yet another kind of failure. It is God's way of providing us an opportunity to learn the 'dormant' strength and grow. And that the day we discover the presence of the strength, we are on the path of recovery.
Another thing, my friend said, touched me. He said that while I visit my colleague tomorrow I could be a possibility of well being and Healing and stand in a place that nothing's wrong here. It gave a very empowering context to me visiting my colleague.
It also changed my perspective about visiting someone when they are not feeling well or are hospitalized. All these days I never liked visiting someone in the hospital thinking that there's no use of me going there since I won't make any difference. Besides, I felt that the patient would be disturbed. I thought that it was just a social obligation.
Now, I see the visit in a whole new empowering context. When I can constitute myself to be a stand for well being and healing and when I am coming from 'there's nothing wrong here', my very presence will make the difference. It's definitely worth visiting.
Today evening I was speaking to my friend about a colleague who has been not keeping well for few months now. Tomorrow I am going to meet him. I have not spoken to him since I came to know of his illness. All along I was thinking that if I called him up to enquire what's happening I would be disturbing him. At the same time I was feeling bad that I am not being of any help.
So I was asking my friend as to what difference I could make to my colleague's situation. We had a very empowering discussion and my friend suggested many things that I was not seeing. He distinguished that when one goes through any kind of trouble it's actually an opportunity for learning and growth.
When some one comes to me for career advice I keep saying similar thing. I say that failure is good for growth. When one fails he will use those strengths he never knew he had, just to come out of the failure. And we all have such strengths simply because we it's a matter of survival and we have very strong survival instincts - we are made to survive. So we use these dormant strengths to come out of the failure. Once we are out of that phase, the trouble is no more there but now we have the new strength, which we add to our repertoire. The failure can serve as an access to discover and use the dormant strength, in the future, forever.
When my friend distinguished it with regards to health I saw that ill-health is also yet another kind of failure. It is God's way of providing us an opportunity to learn the 'dormant' strength and grow. And that the day we discover the presence of the strength, we are on the path of recovery.
Another thing, my friend said, touched me. He said that while I visit my colleague tomorrow I could be a possibility of well being and Healing and stand in a place that nothing's wrong here. It gave a very empowering context to me visiting my colleague.
It also changed my perspective about visiting someone when they are not feeling well or are hospitalized. All these days I never liked visiting someone in the hospital thinking that there's no use of me going there since I won't make any difference. Besides, I felt that the patient would be disturbed. I thought that it was just a social obligation.
Now, I see the visit in a whole new empowering context. When I can constitute myself to be a stand for well being and healing and when I am coming from 'there's nothing wrong here', my very presence will make the difference. It's definitely worth visiting.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Day 34 - Your life will not go unnoticed!
Jog - done.
I was watching the movie "Shall We Dance" today. It is one of my favorite movies and have seen it a few times. One dialog from the movie touched me the most.
When asked why one gets married, wife of the protagonist replies
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
So beautiful! We generally share the good parts and sometimes the bad parts, with others. But mostly what we share and thus what other get to know are only the important things. Nobody has time to listen to a commentary of our life and nor do we have time to share. But in a marriage, you know there is one person who witnesses everything - the interesting and the uninteresting.
I was watching the movie "Shall We Dance" today. It is one of my favorite movies and have seen it a few times. One dialog from the movie touched me the most.
When asked why one gets married, wife of the protagonist replies
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."
So beautiful! We generally share the good parts and sometimes the bad parts, with others. But mostly what we share and thus what other get to know are only the important things. Nobody has time to listen to a commentary of our life and nor do we have time to share. But in a marriage, you know there is one person who witnesses everything - the interesting and the uninteresting.
Day 35 - Zindagi ke safar mein
Jog - done.
Today morning while I was jogging I was listening old songs. One song, though I have heard it several times, touched me today like never before.
Zindagi Ke Safar Mein Guzar Jaate Hain Jo Makaam
Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate
Patjhad Mein Jo Phool Murjha Jaate Hain
Vo Baharon Ke Aane Se Khilte Nahin
Kuchh Log Ik Roz Jo Bichhad Jaate Hain
Vo Hazaron Ke Aane Se Milte Nahin
This song reminded me of my Mysore days - the strolls I and my friend used to have on Kalidasa Road, the evening breeze, bed of May flowers, sweet scent of spring! Oh! I felt so nostalgic. I missed my friend today.
As soon as I came back I called him and spoke to him. I am meeting him today. We can meet now and talk of all those days. But I know that those days will never come back. How I wish I could go back in time and re-live those days!!! Time machine... anybody?
Today morning while I was jogging I was listening old songs. One song, though I have heard it several times, touched me today like never before.
Zindagi Ke Safar Mein Guzar Jaate Hain Jo Makaam
Vo Phir Nahin Aate, Vo Phir Nahin Aate
Patjhad Mein Jo Phool Murjha Jaate Hain
Vo Baharon Ke Aane Se Khilte Nahin
Kuchh Log Ik Roz Jo Bichhad Jaate Hain
Vo Hazaron Ke Aane Se Milte Nahin
This song reminded me of my Mysore days - the strolls I and my friend used to have on Kalidasa Road, the evening breeze, bed of May flowers, sweet scent of spring! Oh! I felt so nostalgic. I missed my friend today.
As soon as I came back I called him and spoke to him. I am meeting him today. We can meet now and talk of all those days. But I know that those days will never come back. How I wish I could go back in time and re-live those days!!! Time machine... anybody?
Day 33, 34 - Unsolicited Advice: A Contribution
Jog - done.
Friday night I had a very interesting conversation with my friend.
---- It will take some time to write this. But the next entry is so much on my mind now that I cannot wait to write it. To keep order I am publishing this entry half done. I will come back and complete this ----
Friday night I had a very interesting conversation with my friend.
---- It will take some time to write this. But the next entry is so much on my mind now that I cannot wait to write it. To keep order I am publishing this entry half done. I will come back and complete this ----
Friday, February 13, 2009
Day 32 - मामॆकं शरणं व्रज
Jog - done.
I have always thought that I was an adjusting and easy going person. I have got along well with most people. However I have rarely got attached to any person. As one friend said I am heartily welcomed by every one but missed by no one! And I liked that way of being. I like to be with people at times and be left completely alone at some other times. So I chose when to be with people and when not to be.
I had my own view of the world and I was more or less fixed to it. Anything outside of it is adjustment. I used to get adjusted to people and circumstances. But I never accepted people or circumstances as they were. I had to 'adjust' to survive; or as if it is the best possible alternative available. Thus I rarely experienced true choice, not that I have never, but rarely.
The adjusting would work to some level, as long as external stimuli is there or till the situation is bearable. The moment people or situation started getting off of my view of world, beyond a safety threshold, I would feel the heat and I would want to get off that. And the simplest way out was to withdraw myself from the situation or the people involved. And in most of the cases I have exited gracefully and I would deploy my brain very well to do so.
That way of being had its own impact. No matter how it seemed to outside world I knew deep inside that it was my inability to cope up with people or circumstances. It was like a failure and I would hate going through that experience. Identifying this as my pattern I would be very cautious getting to people or even planning anything together, because I knew that I couldn't accept people in their entirety and that adjustment never lasts long. So I would always keep a back door open, just in case you know! Most importantly I had nobody with whom I could be myself, share my true feelings and open my heart.
What I saw yesterday was that I never stood for what was possible. I would always operate from the angle of survival. Clearly survival yielded mere survival - best available alternative with no true choice. I also realized that from where I am coming from, possibility of having an extra ordinary life was a pipe dream. There was something missing the presence of which would make the difference.
Thanks to my friend who mentioned a shloka from Gita, the day before yesterday, albeit in a different context.
| सर्वधर्मान्परित्यज्य मामॆकं शरणं व्रज |
It talks about 'complete surrender' to God. This is surrendering in a very empowering context.
I saw that bringing forth of a possibility of being completely surrendering - a complete submission - would make the difference. If I am being completely there is no I or Me in it. I have given myself completely to the Cause. Then I don't really have to worry about the outcome and need not work my way towards achieving the outcome. I can be free and be myself. What will happen will happen. Then accepting people and situations is effortless, rather it's an outcome.
All that it needs is Trust and being completely surrendering. My being that way opens up a whole new world, full of calm and peace, where I can do what my heart wants. It is an access to an living extraordinary life.
I have always thought that I was an adjusting and easy going person. I have got along well with most people. However I have rarely got attached to any person. As one friend said I am heartily welcomed by every one but missed by no one! And I liked that way of being. I like to be with people at times and be left completely alone at some other times. So I chose when to be with people and when not to be.
I had my own view of the world and I was more or less fixed to it. Anything outside of it is adjustment. I used to get adjusted to people and circumstances. But I never accepted people or circumstances as they were. I had to 'adjust' to survive; or as if it is the best possible alternative available. Thus I rarely experienced true choice, not that I have never, but rarely.
The adjusting would work to some level, as long as external stimuli is there or till the situation is bearable. The moment people or situation started getting off of my view of world, beyond a safety threshold, I would feel the heat and I would want to get off that. And the simplest way out was to withdraw myself from the situation or the people involved. And in most of the cases I have exited gracefully and I would deploy my brain very well to do so.
That way of being had its own impact. No matter how it seemed to outside world I knew deep inside that it was my inability to cope up with people or circumstances. It was like a failure and I would hate going through that experience. Identifying this as my pattern I would be very cautious getting to people or even planning anything together, because I knew that I couldn't accept people in their entirety and that adjustment never lasts long. So I would always keep a back door open, just in case you know! Most importantly I had nobody with whom I could be myself, share my true feelings and open my heart.
What I saw yesterday was that I never stood for what was possible. I would always operate from the angle of survival. Clearly survival yielded mere survival - best available alternative with no true choice. I also realized that from where I am coming from, possibility of having an extra ordinary life was a pipe dream. There was something missing the presence of which would make the difference.
Thanks to my friend who mentioned a shloka from Gita, the day before yesterday, albeit in a different context.
| सर्वधर्मान्परित्यज्य मामॆकं शरणं व्रज |
It talks about 'complete surrender' to God. This is surrendering in a very empowering context.
I saw that bringing forth of a possibility of being completely surrendering - a complete submission - would make the difference. If I am being completely there is no I or Me in it. I have given myself completely to the Cause. Then I don't really have to worry about the outcome and need not work my way towards achieving the outcome. I can be free and be myself. What will happen will happen. Then accepting people and situations is effortless, rather it's an outcome.
All that it needs is Trust and being completely surrendering. My being that way opens up a whole new world, full of calm and peace, where I can do what my heart wants. It is an access to an living extraordinary life.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Day 31
Jog - missed again.
I was doing a lot of thinking for last few days. Today evening I could sit and put all of them on paper err, MS Word! Some are interesting and I will share them one by one in the following days.
Learning for today: Be open to divine communication through whatever medium it comes.
I was doing a lot of thinking for last few days. Today evening I could sit and put all of them on paper err, MS Word! Some are interesting and I will share them one by one in the following days.
Learning for today: Be open to divine communication through whatever medium it comes.
Day 30 - Power of Acknowledgment
Jog - done.
If I look at at my life so many people have contributed to my life - parents, siblings, teachers, friends, colleagues, public figures, authors and so on. The contributions have been of both types - direct & intended for me and indirect ones. Most of the times I know the impact each contributor has made. But we take them for granted and fail to acknowledge the source - the contributor. I may have acknowledged/talked to third parties about the people who contributed and their impact on my life. But rarely have I shared that (the impact of their contribution) directly with the people who made the difference in my life. This so evident especially with the close ones, notably the family members.
Yesterday night I was sharing with one of my friends about a coach of mine who inspires me for the stand he takes for others' life. My friend asked me if I ever acknowledged that to the coach directly. He distinguished that the coach does not do what he does expecting others to acknowledge him. But acknowledging him really makes his stand for other people so much more stronger. I got what he was saying. So I called up this coach. Since it's almost 5 years since he coached me, as expected he couldn't recollect who I was. But when I acknowledged his contribution to my life and when I thanked him, I felt he was touched. And I felt so good doing it.
After this I just got present to the fact that my eldest brother has been a great influence in my life. The contributions he has made to my life were life altering. If I have whatever success I have today, it was because of the bold steps he took. I was not even considering coming out of my hometown for my education. It was my brother who literally 'forced' me to inquire about better educational institutes and helped me take the most strategic decision of my life. I know that that one small thing altered my life beyond my imagination. The phase in Mysore, where I studied my engineering, was so important for me. I saw a holistic growth in me.
I have always spoken of this with my friends and other brothers but never with the one who made it possible. So yesterday I called him up and acknowledged him and thanked him. He was taken by surprise and said that he did whatever he did as his duty and that there was no necessity to thank him. But I still said 'thank you' and he got it. What happened after that was interesting. He started talking of things that were important to him. As he himself said later that he wouldn't have spoken these stuff thinking what would I think! What I saw was that he might not have spoken to anybody about these stuff, at least the way he spoke to me. Even if I did not change anything I know that it will at least make him feel lighter sharing with another human being.
A simple act of my acknowledging my brother got me back my brother the way he was when I was a kid or the way I was with him when I was a kid. And that experience is so powerful. I was not expecting that and it happened and, I felt so good about it. The Power of acknowledgment is truly amazing. You do it for no reason yet you get so much!!!
If I look at at my life so many people have contributed to my life - parents, siblings, teachers, friends, colleagues, public figures, authors and so on. The contributions have been of both types - direct & intended for me and indirect ones. Most of the times I know the impact each contributor has made. But we take them for granted and fail to acknowledge the source - the contributor. I may have acknowledged/talked to third parties about the people who contributed and their impact on my life. But rarely have I shared that (the impact of their contribution) directly with the people who made the difference in my life. This so evident especially with the close ones, notably the family members.
Yesterday night I was sharing with one of my friends about a coach of mine who inspires me for the stand he takes for others' life. My friend asked me if I ever acknowledged that to the coach directly. He distinguished that the coach does not do what he does expecting others to acknowledge him. But acknowledging him really makes his stand for other people so much more stronger. I got what he was saying. So I called up this coach. Since it's almost 5 years since he coached me, as expected he couldn't recollect who I was. But when I acknowledged his contribution to my life and when I thanked him, I felt he was touched. And I felt so good doing it.
After this I just got present to the fact that my eldest brother has been a great influence in my life. The contributions he has made to my life were life altering. If I have whatever success I have today, it was because of the bold steps he took. I was not even considering coming out of my hometown for my education. It was my brother who literally 'forced' me to inquire about better educational institutes and helped me take the most strategic decision of my life. I know that that one small thing altered my life beyond my imagination. The phase in Mysore, where I studied my engineering, was so important for me. I saw a holistic growth in me.
I have always spoken of this with my friends and other brothers but never with the one who made it possible. So yesterday I called him up and acknowledged him and thanked him. He was taken by surprise and said that he did whatever he did as his duty and that there was no necessity to thank him. But I still said 'thank you' and he got it. What happened after that was interesting. He started talking of things that were important to him. As he himself said later that he wouldn't have spoken these stuff thinking what would I think! What I saw was that he might not have spoken to anybody about these stuff, at least the way he spoke to me. Even if I did not change anything I know that it will at least make him feel lighter sharing with another human being.
A simple act of my acknowledging my brother got me back my brother the way he was when I was a kid or the way I was with him when I was a kid. And that experience is so powerful. I was not expecting that and it happened and, I felt so good about it. The Power of acknowledgment is truly amazing. You do it for no reason yet you get so much!!!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Day 28, 29
Jog - missed.
For last two days the following shloka from Bhagavad Gita - Karmayoga is on my mind.
श्रेयान्स्वधर्मॊ विगुणः परधर्मात्स्वनुष्ठितात् |
स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेयः परधर्मॊ भयावहः||3-35||
There are lots of thoughts running in my mind around this one. When I get more clarity I will post it in my blog.
For last two days the following shloka from Bhagavad Gita - Karmayoga is on my mind.
श्रेयान्स्वधर्मॊ विगुणः परधर्मात्स्वनुष्ठितात् |
स्वधर्मे निधनं श्रेयः परधर्मॊ भयावहः||3-35||
There are lots of thoughts running in my mind around this one. When I get more clarity I will post it in my blog.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Day 26, 27 - It's Brand building, of a different kind!
Jog - done.
This is not the thought that occurred to me today. But somehow I felt like writing it today.
After the Mangalore pub incident by Rama Sene media called it Talibanization. But I think that the two cannot be compared. Though the actions of both Taliban and Rama Sene are comparable, the undercurrent is no where the same.
In case of Taliban the activists really believed in the principles and were even ready to give up their lives to have those principles implemented. It's a different matter that what they believe is not agreeable to most of us. However in case of Rama Sene, I don't think the activists are doing what they are doing because of a staunch beleif in principles. I think what Rama Sene is doing is a pure gimmick to garner political mileage. And media is their biggest partner!
I think that such political-mileage driven things are much easier to manage than the ones driven by principles. In case of the former their oxygen is publicity - good or bad. They want to be in the public eye. They want people to acknowledge their existence and recognize their identity. This is a kind of brand building. Cut off publicity and they are dead - at least the current form of their actions don't yeild any results and they would have no option but to give them up.
Our inaction doesn't mean that we support them. We have to take action. But that action should be such that it hurts them where it matters. Deny them what they need - the branding. In the current scenario I think one of the simplest solution is to just neglect them - pure neglect. Laugh at them, make their actions look ludicrous. Make them feel ignored - not cared for. Just don't recognize them.
However one lesson we should learn from Taliban is that if we support them now they will grow to be a weed that is hard to rid of later - like parthenium.
This is not the thought that occurred to me today. But somehow I felt like writing it today.
After the Mangalore pub incident by Rama Sene media called it Talibanization. But I think that the two cannot be compared. Though the actions of both Taliban and Rama Sene are comparable, the undercurrent is no where the same.
In case of Taliban the activists really believed in the principles and were even ready to give up their lives to have those principles implemented. It's a different matter that what they believe is not agreeable to most of us. However in case of Rama Sene, I don't think the activists are doing what they are doing because of a staunch beleif in principles. I think what Rama Sene is doing is a pure gimmick to garner political mileage. And media is their biggest partner!
I think that such political-mileage driven things are much easier to manage than the ones driven by principles. In case of the former their oxygen is publicity - good or bad. They want to be in the public eye. They want people to acknowledge their existence and recognize their identity. This is a kind of brand building. Cut off publicity and they are dead - at least the current form of their actions don't yeild any results and they would have no option but to give them up.
Our inaction doesn't mean that we support them. We have to take action. But that action should be such that it hurts them where it matters. Deny them what they need - the branding. In the current scenario I think one of the simplest solution is to just neglect them - pure neglect. Laugh at them, make their actions look ludicrous. Make them feel ignored - not cared for. Just don't recognize them.
However one lesson we should learn from Taliban is that if we support them now they will grow to be a weed that is hard to rid of later - like parthenium.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Day 25 - They did think!
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: For many years I was fearing what people think and not doing things I wanted to. When it was too much to take I thought not to worry about what will they think (WWTT) and started doing what I wanted, of course without affecting anybody and within social limits. And for last 3 weeks I noticed that people actually don't bother of what I do and I was feeling great.
Two days back, when I was exercising after completing the jog I thought of doing some 'weight' exercises - without weights! I know that even that is useful and helps the muscles. But immediately the thought came in - what will passersby think if they see me do this 'ridiculous' thing? Then I found that it was a WWTT and declared boldly that I will do it. And I did it for two days and nobody bothered. It was a victory! Yey!
Today, I had a reality bite. When I was half way through that 'zero' weight exercise three young guys were passing by. One of them notice me and he might have found it funny. He then showed me to his two other friends and they giggled. I noticed that and instantly I wanted to stop. "What an embarrassment!" I thought. But somehow I kept continuing. But even after they passed that place I was feeling awkward and wanted to stop. I started giving reasons - it's enough for today, why not stop it for two rounds only? Why do the remaining one? does it really add value? But I continued doing it because it was a word I had given to myself to have victory over WWWT no matter how hard it is - a matter of honoring my word!
I realized how hard it is to face it when it really happens, when people really think something I don't want them to think. I was shocked to know how much 'what others think' matters to me. I have still not gotten over that completely. But it was good
WWTT#2: I have shared this blog with many people. So I am getting present to different readers. So at one point I felt that I should write the stuff that makes sense to my readers. I wanted to write about the above WWTT. But then stopped myself saying 'It doesn't add much value. It's similar thing as I have had earlier. What's new in it?'. When speaking to a friend today he distinguished an important thing. He said 'Blog, like painting, is personal thing. Something you write for your sake and not for others'. It touched me and I thought I will write what I want to write. It's no way disrespecting my readers. At the same time not worrying too much about writing in order to give only new details.
Now I am realizing that I was actually not fulfilling the promise of writing about my WWTTs no matter similar thing happened earlier. As long as it made me hesitate it is real and I want to write. Writing adds more clarity to me than just thinking in my head. Cool!
WWTT#1: For many years I was fearing what people think and not doing things I wanted to. When it was too much to take I thought not to worry about what will they think (WWTT) and started doing what I wanted, of course without affecting anybody and within social limits. And for last 3 weeks I noticed that people actually don't bother of what I do and I was feeling great.
Two days back, when I was exercising after completing the jog I thought of doing some 'weight' exercises - without weights! I know that even that is useful and helps the muscles. But immediately the thought came in - what will passersby think if they see me do this 'ridiculous' thing? Then I found that it was a WWTT and declared boldly that I will do it. And I did it for two days and nobody bothered. It was a victory! Yey!
Today, I had a reality bite. When I was half way through that 'zero' weight exercise three young guys were passing by. One of them notice me and he might have found it funny. He then showed me to his two other friends and they giggled. I noticed that and instantly I wanted to stop. "What an embarrassment!" I thought. But somehow I kept continuing. But even after they passed that place I was feeling awkward and wanted to stop. I started giving reasons - it's enough for today, why not stop it for two rounds only? Why do the remaining one? does it really add value? But I continued doing it because it was a word I had given to myself to have victory over WWWT no matter how hard it is - a matter of honoring my word!
I realized how hard it is to face it when it really happens, when people really think something I don't want them to think. I was shocked to know how much 'what others think' matters to me. I have still not gotten over that completely. But it was good
WWTT#2: I have shared this blog with many people. So I am getting present to different readers. So at one point I felt that I should write the stuff that makes sense to my readers. I wanted to write about the above WWTT. But then stopped myself saying 'It doesn't add much value. It's similar thing as I have had earlier. What's new in it?'. When speaking to a friend today he distinguished an important thing. He said 'Blog, like painting, is personal thing. Something you write for your sake and not for others'. It touched me and I thought I will write what I want to write. It's no way disrespecting my readers. At the same time not worrying too much about writing in order to give only new details.
Now I am realizing that I was actually not fulfilling the promise of writing about my WWTTs no matter similar thing happened earlier. As long as it made me hesitate it is real and I want to write. Writing adds more clarity to me than just thinking in my head. Cool!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Day 22 - Privilege of being a host
Jog - done.
Yet another interesting insight I had.
Yesterday there was a small function at home and we had invited few guests. My brother was tidying up the place. I looked at it and thought 'Here it comes again! Some people will come and we have to clean up our house to show them how clean it is'! For me, earlier, this was not okay. My thinking was that why should we make any changes just because someone is coming; why can't we just let me see the house in the same condition in which we live? Doing any such work was a burden - a compulsive thing to look good in front of guests; a show off. At the same time it was not okay to show them the untidy side of it too. It was kind of a dilemma. So I used to clean up /tidy up things cursing myself and at times those people who have organized the event/function - and it used to be invariably my mother :)
Yesterday suddenly, something struck me. I realized that if I go to someone's house I want to see neat and tidy place - have a pleasant experience, as my friend called it. I also saw that the guests are being so generous in accepting our invitation and coming to our house. I am the privileged one to have them in my house. And I want to respect them and their time. One of the ways is by making their visit a pleasant one. And this is the least I can do to them. So tidying up the house is not to cover up my untidy house but a mark of my respect and an action toward welcoming them.
The minute I saw it the whole experience around tidying up the house transformed. It was no more a burden. There was so much freedom. I experienced choice - in its true sense. It was something I wanted to do. So I loved doing it.
This insight may not be anything new for many people. I was talking to a friend and she told me that she always thought it this way and that this is the way society works. Then I thought 'oh! the insight I had was no big deal then. It doesn't make sense writing this in my blog. It just shows that I am slow in understanding things in life. Let me not write it'. Then I realized that this was a WWTT attack. And I wrote this :)
And just now I realized that the thought that I am a the privileged one to receive the guest also transformed my listening toward inviting guests. It's no more a social thing. I can see than it's clear expression of I acknowledging them and having them share the joy I am experiencing. I am glad I wrote this blog.
Yet another interesting insight I had.
Yesterday there was a small function at home and we had invited few guests. My brother was tidying up the place. I looked at it and thought 'Here it comes again! Some people will come and we have to clean up our house to show them how clean it is'! For me, earlier, this was not okay. My thinking was that why should we make any changes just because someone is coming; why can't we just let me see the house in the same condition in which we live? Doing any such work was a burden - a compulsive thing to look good in front of guests; a show off. At the same time it was not okay to show them the untidy side of it too. It was kind of a dilemma. So I used to clean up /tidy up things cursing myself and at times those people who have organized the event/function - and it used to be invariably my mother :)
Yesterday suddenly, something struck me. I realized that if I go to someone's house I want to see neat and tidy place - have a pleasant experience, as my friend called it. I also saw that the guests are being so generous in accepting our invitation and coming to our house. I am the privileged one to have them in my house. And I want to respect them and their time. One of the ways is by making their visit a pleasant one. And this is the least I can do to them. So tidying up the house is not to cover up my untidy house but a mark of my respect and an action toward welcoming them.
The minute I saw it the whole experience around tidying up the house transformed. It was no more a burden. There was so much freedom. I experienced choice - in its true sense. It was something I wanted to do. So I loved doing it.
This insight may not be anything new for many people. I was talking to a friend and she told me that she always thought it this way and that this is the way society works. Then I thought 'oh! the insight I had was no big deal then. It doesn't make sense writing this in my blog. It just shows that I am slow in understanding things in life. Let me not write it'. Then I realized that this was a WWTT attack. And I wrote this :)
And just now I realized that the thought that I am a the privileged one to receive the guest also transformed my listening toward inviting guests. It's no more a social thing. I can see than it's clear expression of I acknowledging them and having them share the joy I am experiencing. I am glad I wrote this blog.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Day 17 - The Beauty and the Beast!
Jog - done.
No WWTT today. Just one thought.
I saw a Brahminy Kite (aka the Red-backed Sea-eagle) from the window of my office. When it flew down its golden colored wide wings were a sight to watch. I just loved watching it. Instantly what occurred was that it's a beast to its prey and unlike other smaller birds even humans are scared to go near it. Isn't always beauty and beast together? Isn't that it's us who label something as beautiful and something as beastly, depending what side of the same object we are looking at?
If I can extend the same logic, isn't this applicable to people in our life? Isn't it possible to admire someone who we have always hated or never liked, just by shifting our view of them - shifting from looking at the beastly side to the beauty side? If so, who's responsible for the emotions and feelings the sight or the thought of the other person evoke? It's I and not them, isn't it? That's standing in a place of "I am 100% responsible for whatever happens to me".
Good thought and logical argument, but how feasbile it is to be 100% responsible all the time? More importantly we need to ask if we are ready to give up being right about the other person being wrong!
No WWTT today. Just one thought.
I saw a Brahminy Kite (aka the Red-backed Sea-eagle) from the window of my office. When it flew down its golden colored wide wings were a sight to watch. I just loved watching it. Instantly what occurred was that it's a beast to its prey and unlike other smaller birds even humans are scared to go near it. Isn't always beauty and beast together? Isn't that it's us who label something as beautiful and something as beastly, depending what side of the same object we are looking at?
If I can extend the same logic, isn't this applicable to people in our life? Isn't it possible to admire someone who we have always hated or never liked, just by shifting our view of them - shifting from looking at the beastly side to the beauty side? If so, who's responsible for the emotions and feelings the sight or the thought of the other person evoke? It's I and not them, isn't it? That's standing in a place of "I am 100% responsible for whatever happens to me".
Good thought and logical argument, but how feasbile it is to be 100% responsible all the time? More importantly we need to ask if we are ready to give up being right about the other person being wrong!
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Day 16 - An interesting insight
Jog - done.
An interesting thing happened today, which left me with a lasting impression.
I was doing warm up exercises before the jog. I was facing a huge tree standing in the middle of Ulsoor lake. There were many birds - small and big and I was enjoying the ever changing sight. Just then I noticed a beautiful little bird having exquisitely colored feathers. I stopped exercising for a moment and started watching it. Within few seconds it flew from that branch and sat on another. The angle at which the bird was sitting now was such that if I resumed my normal warm up exercises I couldn't watch it. So I was tempted to stop the warm ups completely and follow the bird. I was so much enamored by its beauty.
For one moment the picture of a photo frame came to mind. So far, as long as I was exercising, I was watching through a frame and was seeing so much activity. The moment I was fixed on that bird my frame kept moving, following the bird. As I was thinking this suddenly the bird vanished without a trace. And I was so disappointed. I suddenly realized that this is how we lead our life. We start with the focus on long term life and we are enjoying everybit of it. Suddenly we come across something special. Even though we know it's only going to last for a short period we want to hold on to it as long as we can. We go to the extent of forgetting the main subject of focus - the life - and run after this fleeting thing. And suddenly you see it disappear, causing despair.
Realizing this I started went back to warm up exercises. And to my pleasant surprise the little bird came back and sat right opposite to me, the place where I had seen it first! Now, instead of stopping for its view I kept on doing my excersises. And it was sitting in the same place as if posing for me, throughout. And as I was about to leave, the little bird dove down into the water to catch something, giving me full view of its colorful plume! This was something I was not expecting.
Insight I got for myself: Just be focussed on your main subject without diverting attention on fleeting pleasures and you will have wonders - beyond your expectations! Amen!
An interesting thing happened today, which left me with a lasting impression.
I was doing warm up exercises before the jog. I was facing a huge tree standing in the middle of Ulsoor lake. There were many birds - small and big and I was enjoying the ever changing sight. Just then I noticed a beautiful little bird having exquisitely colored feathers. I stopped exercising for a moment and started watching it. Within few seconds it flew from that branch and sat on another. The angle at which the bird was sitting now was such that if I resumed my normal warm up exercises I couldn't watch it. So I was tempted to stop the warm ups completely and follow the bird. I was so much enamored by its beauty.
For one moment the picture of a photo frame came to mind. So far, as long as I was exercising, I was watching through a frame and was seeing so much activity. The moment I was fixed on that bird my frame kept moving, following the bird. As I was thinking this suddenly the bird vanished without a trace. And I was so disappointed. I suddenly realized that this is how we lead our life. We start with the focus on long term life and we are enjoying everybit of it. Suddenly we come across something special. Even though we know it's only going to last for a short period we want to hold on to it as long as we can. We go to the extent of forgetting the main subject of focus - the life - and run after this fleeting thing. And suddenly you see it disappear, causing despair.
Realizing this I started went back to warm up exercises. And to my pleasant surprise the little bird came back and sat right opposite to me, the place where I had seen it first! Now, instead of stopping for its view I kept on doing my excersises. And it was sitting in the same place as if posing for me, throughout. And as I was about to leave, the little bird dove down into the water to catch something, giving me full view of its colorful plume! This was something I was not expecting.
Insight I got for myself: Just be focussed on your main subject without diverting attention on fleeting pleasures and you will have wonders - beyond your expectations! Amen!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Day 14 - An interesting WWTT :)
Jog - done.
WWTT #1: Everyday after my jog I stop to have a tender coconut. The vendor charges a fixed Rs.12. Today he gave a little smaller coconut. I thought of asking him a discount of Rs. 2. Just after the thought came in another followed saying after all its two rupees, should I really ask?. Immediately I saw it as my hesitation and I said to myself "It's not the money; it's my self expression at stake. I will ask". Just then a good looking woman came and asked for a coconut. Within an instance my self expression took a 200 mt dive into the darkness. How could I ask a discount of mere two rupees in front of a Lady? No way!!
It's funny to read it now. But it was so true for me then. Then I said this was the opportunity to overcome this. God knows how many times I have not bargained because there was some beautiful girl around or some other suave set of people. Then I asked the vendor if that small coconut too was priced at Rs.12, and I was very sure that the answer would be an yes. But surprisingly he said that it was Rs.10! Lady, I don't know who you are, but you almost cost me two rupees and, my self expression :)
WWTT #2: In the evening I attended an event called 'Causing the Miraculous'. At the end of the event I saw a person who was once a course leader for one of the courses I attended. I just wanted to say 'hi' to her. When I approached her two more people started talking to her. Once she looked at me and then turned to them and began to talk with them. After they left another person came and she started talking to this third person - not giving me attention even though she noticed me. Knowing who she is, I did not think that she de-respected me. But the thought of me standing there and not being talked to while others possibly noticing this was too much for me to bear it. Besides, I did not have anything important to speak to her - just a 'hi'. So I was thinking what will she think if I stood for so long just to say hi! I wanted to come out of there. The urge of getting out of that - a kind of embarrasment - was very strong. But I knew it was yet another classic WWTT. And just to have a victory over it I stood there, siad hi to her and then came home!
This second WWTT may look such a simple thing. But I know how terrible I was feeling in one similar situation I just got present to. In 2004 I was in a global conference. One of the VPs I knew asked me to join a meeting. It was an important meeting attended by many high profile people and I did not know anybody personally, except my boss, who was not expecting me there. And the person who invited me did not show up. I was feeling totally out of place. I did not know what to do. They had seen me and so wouldn't actually object me being there. But for me, they were talking of some important and sensitive stuff and I was being embarrased for being there. I felt that I was an unwanted person - though the reality was that others just did not bother. But I went around the room - just enough distance so as not hear what they were talking - to ensure I was not intruding in their meeting! I did many stupid things like just read, reread the agenda of the conference, keep staring at wall painting, etc. Really crazy stuff! Now, actually I was making a fool of myself and that made me be even more embarrassed. I was hating the whole experience. I was wondering when that VP who invited me turns up and calls me to sit in the meeting - that way legitimizing my attendance!
Today's WWTT #2 was somewhat close but not as bad. So I thought this is the right place to register my 2004 experience and relive it and try to laugh at it :)
WWTT #1: Everyday after my jog I stop to have a tender coconut. The vendor charges a fixed Rs.12. Today he gave a little smaller coconut. I thought of asking him a discount of Rs. 2. Just after the thought came in another followed saying after all its two rupees, should I really ask?. Immediately I saw it as my hesitation and I said to myself "It's not the money; it's my self expression at stake. I will ask". Just then a good looking woman came and asked for a coconut. Within an instance my self expression took a 200 mt dive into the darkness. How could I ask a discount of mere two rupees in front of a Lady? No way!!
It's funny to read it now. But it was so true for me then. Then I said this was the opportunity to overcome this. God knows how many times I have not bargained because there was some beautiful girl around or some other suave set of people. Then I asked the vendor if that small coconut too was priced at Rs.12, and I was very sure that the answer would be an yes. But surprisingly he said that it was Rs.10! Lady, I don't know who you are, but you almost cost me two rupees and, my self expression :)
WWTT #2: In the evening I attended an event called 'Causing the Miraculous'. At the end of the event I saw a person who was once a course leader for one of the courses I attended. I just wanted to say 'hi' to her. When I approached her two more people started talking to her. Once she looked at me and then turned to them and began to talk with them. After they left another person came and she started talking to this third person - not giving me attention even though she noticed me. Knowing who she is, I did not think that she de-respected me. But the thought of me standing there and not being talked to while others possibly noticing this was too much for me to bear it. Besides, I did not have anything important to speak to her - just a 'hi'. So I was thinking what will she think if I stood for so long just to say hi! I wanted to come out of there. The urge of getting out of that - a kind of embarrasment - was very strong. But I knew it was yet another classic WWTT. And just to have a victory over it I stood there, siad hi to her and then came home!
This second WWTT may look such a simple thing. But I know how terrible I was feeling in one similar situation I just got present to. In 2004 I was in a global conference. One of the VPs I knew asked me to join a meeting. It was an important meeting attended by many high profile people and I did not know anybody personally, except my boss, who was not expecting me there. And the person who invited me did not show up. I was feeling totally out of place. I did not know what to do. They had seen me and so wouldn't actually object me being there. But for me, they were talking of some important and sensitive stuff and I was being embarrased for being there. I felt that I was an unwanted person - though the reality was that others just did not bother. But I went around the room - just enough distance so as not hear what they were talking - to ensure I was not intruding in their meeting! I did many stupid things like just read, reread the agenda of the conference, keep staring at wall painting, etc. Really crazy stuff! Now, actually I was making a fool of myself and that made me be even more embarrassed. I was hating the whole experience. I was wondering when that VP who invited me turns up and calls me to sit in the meeting - that way legitimizing my attendance!
Today's WWTT #2 was somewhat close but not as bad. So I thought this is the right place to register my 2004 experience and relive it and try to laugh at it :)
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Day 13 - Yet another breakthrough!
Jog - done.
WWTT: Today one of the big things happened. I shared what's happening in my life with my mother, which I never did. I spoke to her with genuine interest in her.
For many years I tried avoiding her proximity. I wanted her to be happy where ever she was but not with me. I wanted to be left alone. It was not okay for me to be emotionally close to her. My mother was a bubbly person full of life - throughout her life. Of late I am seeing that she is just living. Though she has every material things with her and a loving family who also respects her, I felt that she was not the same old person who was full of josh.
Since I too had hit the rock bottom as far as spirit was concerned and only in last two weeks back I sprang back to Life I thought that me sharing all this with my mother might inspire her to take up something she can do regulary - like my jog. Also I felt like sharing what's happening in my life. Being Experimental made me take this step which was not possible earlier.
I started sharing how 2008 was for me and how my friend's suggestion of taking up one small thing (jog) and doing it regularly gave me an access to spring back to Life. Then we just started talking all over the things and I slowly started getting into her world. And after some time, from my usual advice mode when I switched to listening mode, I was surprised to listen - without her telling - what was important to her. I got present to her world completely.
Earlier in my view she was someone who complained a lot. I never accepted nor approved what she complained about. This made me repel from her even more. But when I got her world I realized how compelled she was to do whatever she was doing. I pointed that to her and saw a smile on her face.
Now, even if she speaks of things that I don't accept or approve, at least I can listen to her, which earlier was too much of a burden for me. So, now I don't have to avoid her. I can be with her. I accept her the way she is. I am more peaceful now.
WWTT: Today one of the big things happened. I shared what's happening in my life with my mother, which I never did. I spoke to her with genuine interest in her.
For many years I tried avoiding her proximity. I wanted her to be happy where ever she was but not with me. I wanted to be left alone. It was not okay for me to be emotionally close to her. My mother was a bubbly person full of life - throughout her life. Of late I am seeing that she is just living. Though she has every material things with her and a loving family who also respects her, I felt that she was not the same old person who was full of josh.
Since I too had hit the rock bottom as far as spirit was concerned and only in last two weeks back I sprang back to Life I thought that me sharing all this with my mother might inspire her to take up something she can do regulary - like my jog. Also I felt like sharing what's happening in my life. Being Experimental made me take this step which was not possible earlier.
I started sharing how 2008 was for me and how my friend's suggestion of taking up one small thing (jog) and doing it regularly gave me an access to spring back to Life. Then we just started talking all over the things and I slowly started getting into her world. And after some time, from my usual advice mode when I switched to listening mode, I was surprised to listen - without her telling - what was important to her. I got present to her world completely.
Earlier in my view she was someone who complained a lot. I never accepted nor approved what she complained about. This made me repel from her even more. But when I got her world I realized how compelled she was to do whatever she was doing. I pointed that to her and saw a smile on her face.
Now, even if she speaks of things that I don't accept or approve, at least I can listen to her, which earlier was too much of a burden for me. So, now I don't have to avoid her. I can be with her. I accept her the way she is. I am more peaceful now.
Day 12 - Open Communication and transparency
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: Yesterday I created a possibility of open communication and transperancy yesterday. Today morning I went to a friend's house for lunch. I was talking to him about happenings in my life. When personal stuff came I was trying to be cautious and wanted to share with him but was very uncomfortable that his wife might listen. My friend was blissfully unware of this! After a couple of minutes I remembered my possibility of being open in communication and transperancy. And then I talked freely. The result was that his wife contributed significantly to the discussion and spoke of some things that were so very valuable to me. It was one of the most enriching discussions I have had. I am very happy about it.
WWTT #2: In the evening I wanted to pray before doing one of the most important things. I sat down and felt like chanting long duration Om, while exhaling. When I started doing it I got conscious that some of the neighbors might listen in. Suddenly my voice lowered. Then I caught this as WWTT. But still struggled a lot to confront. But in the end I did have a victory over it and actually enjoyed saying it out loud.
WWTT#1: Yesterday I created a possibility of open communication and transperancy yesterday. Today morning I went to a friend's house for lunch. I was talking to him about happenings in my life. When personal stuff came I was trying to be cautious and wanted to share with him but was very uncomfortable that his wife might listen. My friend was blissfully unware of this! After a couple of minutes I remembered my possibility of being open in communication and transperancy. And then I talked freely. The result was that his wife contributed significantly to the discussion and spoke of some things that were so very valuable to me. It was one of the most enriching discussions I have had. I am very happy about it.
WWTT #2: In the evening I wanted to pray before doing one of the most important things. I sat down and felt like chanting long duration Om, while exhaling. When I started doing it I got conscious that some of the neighbors might listen in. Suddenly my voice lowered. Then I caught this as WWTT. But still struggled a lot to confront. But in the end I did have a victory over it and actually enjoyed saying it out loud.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Being Experimenting
Monday night one of my bosses pinged me and talked of an escalation by a customer I was working with. He said that they are complaining of not getting response and asked me to look into it. I had no idea of this and in fact was giving more than the needed attention to this customer. Immediately I got angry on this customer and told myself - 'Hell with him. I don't want to help him anymore.' and I left for home.
As I was heading home I ruminated on what might have caused the dissatisfaction. I thought about exchange of few mails between the customer and I in the previous week, where I did not agree to his suggestion. He wanted me to be the only person to send him mails and not let my team members directly talk to him. I did not want to be the bottleneck and while saying so I also added, - just to make it light - that I wanted to use my computer science background and avoid single point of failure. So while ruminating over this I thought if that last statement offended him and that may be I shouldn't have written that.
Then I realized that, actually, before sending the mail I had spent a considerable amount of time worrying about the content, sentence structure, tone, etc. In other words I was very cautious. Yet it seemed that it offended him. And the way I dealt with the consequence was being don't care (hell with him) and indifferent.
That's when it struck me that it was not the first time I had spent unnecessarily lengthy time to write emails. Almost every time, I spend a lot of time worrying about trivial things. Also I got present to the fact that even if it's simple math calculation - say of adding few numbers - I repeat at least twice. I HAVE to reconfirm my calculations. I always watched out for mistakes.
I realized that who I was for myself was someone who is prone to mistakes and one who goofs up inadvertently. Hence I had to watch out for mistakes and had to make sure that no mistake or goof-up creeped in. Hence I was always very cautious. Never took any chance or risk. Mistakes were just not acceptable - no margin for mistakes, whatsoever. Hence I always played it safe. I never ventured into unchartered territories. I always hesitated to take any decision. Hence always shied away from responsibility and accountability. Always paired with someone or played in team - that way I could let others decide for me. Most of the time it was 'fate' that I let to decide.
The impact of this way of being on my life was that I did not have enough confidence in me, internally. I was worried about the future when I have to start playing alone. I hated my indecisiveness. I kept procrastinating things and finished only when deadline arrived. And I was not content with this and this left me with a feeling of unfulfilled life.
I know that this conversation that 'I am prone to mistakes and inadvertant goof-ups' will not go away and hence no point trying to fix it by being bold or anything. As soon as I saw what was running my life, from nowhere the possibility of being experimental occured to me and called me into action. If I bring in 'being experimental' in life I can try out anything I want. After all mistakes are part of the experiment.
I am seeing that after I got this I started seeing many new possibilities. In the past even if I got an opening/possibility I doubted if it was the right one and in the process killed it. Getting this breakthrough was a BIG thing and I can see that it has made a huge difference in just last one week.
As I was heading home I ruminated on what might have caused the dissatisfaction. I thought about exchange of few mails between the customer and I in the previous week, where I did not agree to his suggestion. He wanted me to be the only person to send him mails and not let my team members directly talk to him. I did not want to be the bottleneck and while saying so I also added, - just to make it light - that I wanted to use my computer science background and avoid single point of failure. So while ruminating over this I thought if that last statement offended him and that may be I shouldn't have written that.
Then I realized that, actually, before sending the mail I had spent a considerable amount of time worrying about the content, sentence structure, tone, etc. In other words I was very cautious. Yet it seemed that it offended him. And the way I dealt with the consequence was being don't care (hell with him) and indifferent.
That's when it struck me that it was not the first time I had spent unnecessarily lengthy time to write emails. Almost every time, I spend a lot of time worrying about trivial things. Also I got present to the fact that even if it's simple math calculation - say of adding few numbers - I repeat at least twice. I HAVE to reconfirm my calculations. I always watched out for mistakes.
I realized that who I was for myself was someone who is prone to mistakes and one who goofs up inadvertently. Hence I had to watch out for mistakes and had to make sure that no mistake or goof-up creeped in. Hence I was always very cautious. Never took any chance or risk. Mistakes were just not acceptable - no margin for mistakes, whatsoever. Hence I always played it safe. I never ventured into unchartered territories. I always hesitated to take any decision. Hence always shied away from responsibility and accountability. Always paired with someone or played in team - that way I could let others decide for me. Most of the time it was 'fate' that I let to decide.
The impact of this way of being on my life was that I did not have enough confidence in me, internally. I was worried about the future when I have to start playing alone. I hated my indecisiveness. I kept procrastinating things and finished only when deadline arrived. And I was not content with this and this left me with a feeling of unfulfilled life.
I know that this conversation that 'I am prone to mistakes and inadvertant goof-ups' will not go away and hence no point trying to fix it by being bold or anything. As soon as I saw what was running my life, from nowhere the possibility of being experimental occured to me and called me into action. If I bring in 'being experimental' in life I can try out anything I want. After all mistakes are part of the experiment.
I am seeing that after I got this I started seeing many new possibilities. In the past even if I got an opening/possibility I doubted if it was the right one and in the process killed it. Getting this breakthrough was a BIG thing and I can see that it has made a huge difference in just last one week.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Day 11 - Going good
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: I talk of many things with a colleague of mine freely. But I have always hesitated to ask why this person is not inclined to do the course I highly recommend and see as very valuable to life. Today, initially, while talking I went close to asking for concerns and then went around it and did not ask. I am really committed for this person to have an extraordinary life and I know the course will give the needed opening. Hence I caught myself and told myself 'Enough of hesitation and looking good. Just do it. You know it's worth taking the chance' and I asked the question straight - 'what are your concerns?'. There were valid concerns; valid and true for this colleague of mine. By asking I could hear them and attempt to address them, an opportunity I would not have had, had I been clinging onto looking good.
WWTT#2: Yet another one, just as I was about to finish this. A close cousin of mine pinged me after a long time and asked what I was doing. Immediate response was to say 'nothing' and hide this blog from her. Then immediately I saw this as an opportunity to confront WWTT - what if others who know me see? And I shared the link. Yo ho!
WWTT#1: I talk of many things with a colleague of mine freely. But I have always hesitated to ask why this person is not inclined to do the course I highly recommend and see as very valuable to life. Today, initially, while talking I went close to asking for concerns and then went around it and did not ask. I am really committed for this person to have an extraordinary life and I know the course will give the needed opening. Hence I caught myself and told myself 'Enough of hesitation and looking good. Just do it. You know it's worth taking the chance' and I asked the question straight - 'what are your concerns?'. There were valid concerns; valid and true for this colleague of mine. By asking I could hear them and attempt to address them, an opportunity I would not have had, had I been clinging onto looking good.
WWTT#2: Yet another one, just as I was about to finish this. A close cousin of mine pinged me after a long time and asked what I was doing. Immediate response was to say 'nothing' and hide this blog from her. Then immediately I saw this as an opportunity to confront WWTT - what if others who know me see? And I shared the link. Yo ho!
Work is Fun and Joy!
2008 was an un-workable year, okay I accept, not just unworkable, rather a bad year - both in personal life and work life. Nothing really worked - except for my last two vacations. Relatively, work wise it was very bad. I produced no great results - something I had been consistently doing in the past.
A work was assigned to me, where I did not have much choice. I said let me work on it and put in hard work. Many a times I put in sincere efforts to make it work. But I knew that my heart was not in it. And I never got to know why that was so. I gave many convincing reasons as to why there are no results - ranging from - users of this product don't like this to this is not cool to even doubting if I was incapable to do this. But I did not communicate straight that I didn't want to do it. I was not ready for the consequences. I thought somehow things will work out for themselves. In simple words I did not take responsibility for this.
The effect was that there were no results. Since there were no results I started feeling guilty and started avoiding the people I was answerable to. I gave reasons to miss the meetings/calls. I made others wrong. That added more guilt. Work became a drag. I started doubting myself. Nothing in life was interesting. There was absolutely no fulfillment, happiness and peace of mind.
Yesterday when I put myself 100% responsible for this I saw that actually I felt that the work was thrusted upon my against my wish. It came as 'you have no choice' and that I was stubborn to work and put my soul into it. I was upto 'Look I told you I can't do it. And still you gave me. Face it. No results' !
The moment I got present to this blindspot, I invented the possibility of work being Fun and Joy. I was so much called into it. And also I realized that I can create Fun and Joy around this and spread it to all the people around.
If work is Fun and Joy, there is no significance attached to it. And hence no stress and I can be straight with people and be in open communication. So, Fun and Joy it is!!!
A work was assigned to me, where I did not have much choice. I said let me work on it and put in hard work. Many a times I put in sincere efforts to make it work. But I knew that my heart was not in it. And I never got to know why that was so. I gave many convincing reasons as to why there are no results - ranging from - users of this product don't like this to this is not cool to even doubting if I was incapable to do this. But I did not communicate straight that I didn't want to do it. I was not ready for the consequences. I thought somehow things will work out for themselves. In simple words I did not take responsibility for this.
The effect was that there were no results. Since there were no results I started feeling guilty and started avoiding the people I was answerable to. I gave reasons to miss the meetings/calls. I made others wrong. That added more guilt. Work became a drag. I started doubting myself. Nothing in life was interesting. There was absolutely no fulfillment, happiness and peace of mind.
Yesterday when I put myself 100% responsible for this I saw that actually I felt that the work was thrusted upon my against my wish. It came as 'you have no choice' and that I was stubborn to work and put my soul into it. I was upto 'Look I told you I can't do it. And still you gave me. Face it. No results' !
The moment I got present to this blindspot, I invented the possibility of work being Fun and Joy. I was so much called into it. And also I realized that I can create Fun and Joy around this and spread it to all the people around.
If work is Fun and Joy, there is no significance attached to it. And hence no stress and I can be straight with people and be in open communication. So, Fun and Joy it is!!!
Day 10 - Love, Bliss and Full-of-life
Jog - done.
I had a victory over one of the biggest WWTTs. I went and shared my life and my stake for the seminar. I could see that every participant was touched by it and were fully intentional to the fulfillment of my commitment. Another outcome was that I got connected to the seminar participants. Now, I am a stand for them - for they fulfilling on whatever they came to the seminar for.
Later, in the seminar I just went ahead and shared two more times, a record in my participation so far. What I realized was that I was playing out full and was seeing the seminar work for me. The integrity being honored in the area of morning jog is actually showing up in me playing out full. As a result I started seeing the inauthenticities like never before. New possibilities of being kept emerging and really called me powerfully into action.
I have to acknowledge my friend who was a firm stand that I get a victory over my past. He also helped me cause a breakthrough in another important area of my life - the relatedness to my mother and my father, which in turn gave me strength to be bold enough to go and share. I thank you, my friend!
I invented the possibility of being loving, blissful and full-of-life.
I had a victory over one of the biggest WWTTs. I went and shared my life and my stake for the seminar. I could see that every participant was touched by it and were fully intentional to the fulfillment of my commitment. Another outcome was that I got connected to the seminar participants. Now, I am a stand for them - for they fulfilling on whatever they came to the seminar for.
Later, in the seminar I just went ahead and shared two more times, a record in my participation so far. What I realized was that I was playing out full and was seeing the seminar work for me. The integrity being honored in the area of morning jog is actually showing up in me playing out full. As a result I started seeing the inauthenticities like never before. New possibilities of being kept emerging and really called me powerfully into action.
I have to acknowledge my friend who was a firm stand that I get a victory over my past. He also helped me cause a breakthrough in another important area of my life - the relatedness to my mother and my father, which in turn gave me strength to be bold enough to go and share. I thank you, my friend!
I invented the possibility of being loving, blissful and full-of-life.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Day 8
Jog - done.
WWTT#1: Yesterday night when I got a breakthrough I thought of telling my brother in the morning. But when the morning came and I saw him I saw a lot of hesitation in telling him about it. Not sure if it was a WWTT but surely some hesitation. After dilly-dallying I went ahead and shared the breakthrough with him. However did not result in the satisfaction I get when overcoming other WWTTs.
WWTT#2: Today when I was sharing the same with a colleague I was trying to keep the stories part to a place where others wouldn't listen. But then I thought it's an opportunity to confront WWTT and talked freely without bothering about others around.
WWTT#1: Yesterday night when I got a breakthrough I thought of telling my brother in the morning. But when the morning came and I saw him I saw a lot of hesitation in telling him about it. Not sure if it was a WWTT but surely some hesitation. After dilly-dallying I went ahead and shared the breakthrough with him. However did not result in the satisfaction I get when overcoming other WWTTs.
WWTT#2: Today when I was sharing the same with a colleague I was trying to keep the stories part to a place where others wouldn't listen. But then I thought it's an opportunity to confront WWTT and talked freely without bothering about others around.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Day 7 - nothing
Missed jog today. Slept way too late and didn't getup early.
There is not a single confrontation of WWTT to write about today. Wonder how to add more to the list. Is it that I went after only the low hanging fruits and turning a blind eye to the real ones? Coz. I cannot believe that there are no more WWTTs.
There is not a single confrontation of WWTT to write about today. Wonder how to add more to the list. Is it that I went after only the low hanging fruits and turning a blind eye to the real ones? Coz. I cannot believe that there are no more WWTTs.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Love, Partnership and Romance!
What is Love, partnership and romance? How are they related, if at all?
Love: Love is acceptance; it is submission - complete surrender. Love is unconditional; it is unifying - being one with another, and it is also a feeling or emotion. It may start with a feeling but not feeling only. Love demands maturity - an immature doesn't love. He is only interested in possession of the loved one and confuses it to love. Love is to let go oneself and one's ego.
Love is a declaration - I love because I said so. Love is faith - a blind faith. Love is trusting the loved one. In love we don't make the loved one wrong. Love is understanding. Love is giving space to the loved one and love is respecting. Love is not a show-off. Love is being filterless with the loved one. In love there are no expectations.
Love is discovering myself - my working and limitations. Love is the ultimate test, for all the above said are various faces of love but rarely we have them in pure form. To love is to seek God, for God too can be described with various attributes and we hardly can comprehend any.
Love is limitless. It multiplies. Love is generative in nature - i.e, it can be generated [by delcaration] limitlessly. Unlike Energy the law of conservation doesn't apply to love.
Romance: Romance is an expression of love. It adds spice to life. It is the creative expression. Love is the source of romance.
Partnership: Partnership is understanding - of each other and of the raison detre of the partnership. It is objective in nature. Partnership enables workability. It is not an emotion nor a feeling. It's pure business, for survival. Again, love is the fuel for partnership.
Romance and Partnerships are the right and left brain functions respectively. Love is central to both. A right balance between partnership and romance , coupled with abundance of love is is the key to happiness.
Love: Love is acceptance; it is submission - complete surrender. Love is unconditional; it is unifying - being one with another, and it is also a feeling or emotion. It may start with a feeling but not feeling only. Love demands maturity - an immature doesn't love. He is only interested in possession of the loved one and confuses it to love. Love is to let go oneself and one's ego.
Love is a declaration - I love because I said so. Love is faith - a blind faith. Love is trusting the loved one. In love we don't make the loved one wrong. Love is understanding. Love is giving space to the loved one and love is respecting. Love is not a show-off. Love is being filterless with the loved one. In love there are no expectations.
Love is discovering myself - my working and limitations. Love is the ultimate test, for all the above said are various faces of love but rarely we have them in pure form. To love is to seek God, for God too can be described with various attributes and we hardly can comprehend any.
Love is limitless. It multiplies. Love is generative in nature - i.e, it can be generated [by delcaration] limitlessly. Unlike Energy the law of conservation doesn't apply to love.
Romance: Romance is an expression of love. It adds spice to life. It is the creative expression. Love is the source of romance.
Partnership: Partnership is understanding - of each other and of the raison detre of the partnership. It is objective in nature. Partnership enables workability. It is not an emotion nor a feeling. It's pure business, for survival. Again, love is the fuel for partnership.
Romance and Partnerships are the right and left brain functions respectively. Love is central to both. A right balance between partnership and romance , coupled with abundance of love is is the key to happiness.
Day 6 - +1
Only one thing to report today. I had taken my niece to show my office. I was showing her the golf course opposite my office. That's when 3-4 golfers came along with their caddies. My niece was curious know about the interesting clubs and gear they were holding. So she was looking at them and asking me questions. Then they looked at us and figured out that we were looking at them. The golfers were okay with it and were just watching.Normally, I would turn back when I am conscious that someone is seeing us see them. And even today I felt like telling my niece to be quiet and head back. But then I realized that it's the inauthentic fear that is making me run away from this. It was a WWTT. So I was happy I caught one for the day :) And I stood there, explained to her - without bothering what they would think of me. +1!
Day 5
I resumed my jog. But unfortunately I couldn't identify any WWTTs today :( Am I running out of ideas? I hope I get some tomorrow to fill up my blog space!
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Day 4 - Missed the target
Day 4 saw me miss my both targets - viz. Jog and blog. I did neither. I had a call early morning and I got up a little late too. That was an excuse for not jogging. I joined a new seminar, which ended very late and hence no mood to write the blog :(
Anyway, on Day 4, I worked from home and hence very little chances of WWTT. One thing I decided was to talk to all strangers in the seminar. So I did proactively went ahead and spoke to most of the people and introduced myself, for no reason. However with some people I still felt some hesitation. So I would call it partial success.
Anyway, on Day 4, I worked from home and hence very little chances of WWTT. One thing I decided was to talk to all strangers in the seminar. So I did proactively went ahead and spoke to most of the people and introduced myself, for no reason. However with some people I still felt some hesitation. So I would call it partial success.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Day 3 - Empty set
Unfortunately I there is not a single win over WWTT I can write about.
Yesterday night itself I had identified one WWTT proactively. I thought that I would say hi to all the people in my floor who I know by face but never said hello to. But unfortunately I did not meet any such person face to face, not even in the lift :(
Don't have any new WWTT to attack tomorrow! I will pursue today's missed one though.
Yesterday night itself I had identified one WWTT proactively. I thought that I would say hi to all the people in my floor who I know by face but never said hello to. But unfortunately I did not meet any such person face to face, not even in the lift :(
Don't have any new WWTT to attack tomorrow! I will pursue today's missed one though.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Day 2
Today being a holiday I spent most of the time at home. So there was less action and hence lower chances to be vulnerable to embarrassment. Still I could manage to identify two WWTTs, no actually three. Yey! goal achieved for today!
One: Today when I started for morning jog I thought that after completing the jog I would sit in the meditating posture on the lawn at Ulsoor Lake where almost all joggers/walkers will pass through and thus see me. This may look like 'no big deal'. But for me, it is. And I did it. Initial plan was to just sit in Padmasana. But I ended up sitting in pukka meditation posture with palms open/streched.
Two: Today was a cloudy day with perfect atomosphere for photographing sun and sky. I missed my camera so much at Ulsoor lake. When I came home I thought of taking out camera and shooting few pictures from my window. Then I realised that the photographs would come out well if I tried from the terrace. But something stopped me. I realized it was yet another WWTT, which in fact had stopped my photo shoots many a times earlier. Now I thought it's an opportunity I don't want to miss - an opportunity to face WWTT not the photo shoot :)
Three: At around 9:30 pm I was home sitting on my bed listening to songs in my iPod. I was also sitting in Padmasana trying to see how much I can strech. I was also thinking that because I didn't go out I had less chances of facing WWTTs and that I must get in action. Just then Ram Ram Sitaram started. It's one of those songs/bhajans, which attracts my full attention and helps me focus. So I closed my eyes and streched my arms to form meditation posture. In a minute I sensed that my sister-in-law pass through the room. For a split second I thought let me get back to my normal posture. I felt that I didn't want others at home know/think that I was meditating. Surprisingly I identified it as WWTT almost instantaneously and continued in the same posture.
It feels good to a)identify and overcome WWTTs and b)to keep my word of listing at least 3 a day. In fact I am enjoying this now. I am dying to identify more and more WWTTs and challenge them.
Today's resolve: Jog and Blog everyday, without fail.
One: Today when I started for morning jog I thought that after completing the jog I would sit in the meditating posture on the lawn at Ulsoor Lake where almost all joggers/walkers will pass through and thus see me. This may look like 'no big deal'. But for me, it is. And I did it. Initial plan was to just sit in Padmasana. But I ended up sitting in pukka meditation posture with palms open/streched.
Two: Today was a cloudy day with perfect atomosphere for photographing sun and sky. I missed my camera so much at Ulsoor lake. When I came home I thought of taking out camera and shooting few pictures from my window. Then I realised that the photographs would come out well if I tried from the terrace. But something stopped me. I realized it was yet another WWTT, which in fact had stopped my photo shoots many a times earlier. Now I thought it's an opportunity I don't want to miss - an opportunity to face WWTT not the photo shoot :)
Three: At around 9:30 pm I was home sitting on my bed listening to songs in my iPod. I was also sitting in Padmasana trying to see how much I can strech. I was also thinking that because I didn't go out I had less chances of facing WWTTs and that I must get in action. Just then Ram Ram Sitaram started. It's one of those songs/bhajans, which attracts my full attention and helps me focus. So I closed my eyes and streched my arms to form meditation posture. In a minute I sensed that my sister-in-law pass through the room. For a split second I thought let me get back to my normal posture. I felt that I didn't want others at home know/think that I was meditating. Surprisingly I identified it as WWTT almost instantaneously and continued in the same posture.
It feels good to a)identify and overcome WWTTs and b)to keep my word of listing at least 3 a day. In fact I am enjoying this now. I am dying to identify more and more WWTTs and challenge them.
Today's resolve: Jog and Blog everyday, without fail.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Day 1 - What will they think!
Today's first 'what will they think' (WWTT) came up as soon as I got up. It was cold in the morning. So I thought I would wear both sweater and jerkin to jog. Then I remembered that some, rather many, people come to jogging on T-shirts only. So my WWTT when they see me clad in multiple layers? But I knew it would be cold. Still, for a moment I thought of not wearing warm clothing. Then I caught myself that this is a WWTT and wore both sweater and jerkin. First win!
Damn! there was a second one. How can I forget so soon. I will come back and edit it once I remember that.
Third one. In the evening I was listening to music. It was Gundecha brothers' Dhrupad rendition. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to it. But I feared WWTT if they see me closing my eyes and listening to music. So I kept one work window open - a shell window - and closed my eyes. Immediately I realised its WWTT at action again. Opened my eyes, brought Media palyer in the foreground, put in on full screen and closed my eyes. If someone wants to see me, let them. But no one noticed me .. pch pch pch :(
Finally, about starting this blog. First I was thinking of writing my WWTTs (had not yet coined the acronym then) in some note book. Then suddenly the thought occured sa to why not write it in a blog. Spontaneoulsly a stream of thoughts came in from opposite direction. What if someone sees it? what if they see my drawbacks? why be vulnerable? After catching it as a WWTT I said I must start the blog. But then, frankly speaking, I told myself that I will create a blog but with no info in profile. Till I wrote last line, may be even now, I was/am struggling with the idea of whether to publish my personal details or not. To share this with people I know or not. I think I will share it. I wanna win over you my dear WWTT!!!
Damn! there was a second one. How can I forget so soon. I will come back and edit it once I remember that.
Third one. In the evening I was listening to music. It was Gundecha brothers' Dhrupad rendition. I wanted to close my eyes and listen to it. But I feared WWTT if they see me closing my eyes and listening to music. So I kept one work window open - a shell window - and closed my eyes. Immediately I realised its WWTT at action again. Opened my eyes, brought Media palyer in the foreground, put in on full screen and closed my eyes. If someone wants to see me, let them. But no one noticed me .. pch pch pch :(
Finally, about starting this blog. First I was thinking of writing my WWTTs (had not yet coined the acronym then) in some note book. Then suddenly the thought occured sa to why not write it in a blog. Spontaneoulsly a stream of thoughts came in from opposite direction. What if someone sees it? what if they see my drawbacks? why be vulnerable? After catching it as a WWTT I said I must start the blog. But then, frankly speaking, I told myself that I will create a blog but with no info in profile. Till I wrote last line, may be even now, I was/am struggling with the idea of whether to publish my personal details or not. To share this with people I know or not. I think I will share it. I wanna win over you my dear WWTT!!!
Looking good and Avoiding looking bad - Why this blog?
A large part of my life is about 'Looking good and avoiding looking bad' - both literally and figuratively. Though it is my desire to be myself and not be gripped by this I know how deep rooted it is and how hard it is to come out of its grips. First thing I want to address is the literal 'looking good' part.
Embarrassment is one thing I just cannot handle - be it happening to me or to someone else. I somehow have to avoid it. One of the things constantly running in my mind is of the form 'Am I behaving correctly? Am I dressed correct to the occasion? Is someone looking at me for some stupid thing I am doing? Will they catch me being stupid?' This is costing me my self expression. For example what will people think if I go in open and start taking photographs? Do they think I am flaunting my camera? What if they think I am a good photographer and I end up screwing it up? It's all about they, them. But deep down it's all about me, Me, ME. I am so self obsessed that I cannot afford looking bad even for a single instance. It's as if everybody is looking only at me; to find faults.
Yesterday I felt differently and told myself - enough is enough. I cannot resist the temptation to avoid looking bad. So let me intentionally try looking bad. Every time I feel avoiding something thinking it might lead to me looking bad, I thought I would do it. And made a resolution that everyday I will list down at least three things where I looked bad.
This blog is all about my everyday listings of intentional looking bad. In fact the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of the blog was - what if people read this? what do they think of me? But then immediately I caught myself and said - 'there you go. Yet another avoiding looking bad. So I must do it'. Still, even now I am not comfortable when I think what if people who know me get to know this blog is mine :( But.. hell with 'them' - not the people I know - but 'them', the people in my world who have no work but observe me :)
Embarrassment is one thing I just cannot handle - be it happening to me or to someone else. I somehow have to avoid it. One of the things constantly running in my mind is of the form 'Am I behaving correctly? Am I dressed correct to the occasion? Is someone looking at me for some stupid thing I am doing? Will they catch me being stupid?' This is costing me my self expression. For example what will people think if I go in open and start taking photographs? Do they think I am flaunting my camera? What if they think I am a good photographer and I end up screwing it up? It's all about they, them. But deep down it's all about me, Me, ME. I am so self obsessed that I cannot afford looking bad even for a single instance. It's as if everybody is looking only at me; to find faults.
Yesterday I felt differently and told myself - enough is enough. I cannot resist the temptation to avoid looking bad. So let me intentionally try looking bad. Every time I feel avoiding something thinking it might lead to me looking bad, I thought I would do it. And made a resolution that everyday I will list down at least three things where I looked bad.
This blog is all about my everyday listings of intentional looking bad. In fact the first thing that came to my mind when I thought of the blog was - what if people read this? what do they think of me? But then immediately I caught myself and said - 'there you go. Yet another avoiding looking bad. So I must do it'. Still, even now I am not comfortable when I think what if people who know me get to know this blog is mine :( But.. hell with 'them' - not the people I know - but 'them', the people in my world who have no work but observe me :)
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